Policy of Truth
by Maran Zelde
Summary: Dib jumped and spun around. Standing in the driveway was a Hawaiian girl with long, straight hair. And there was a blue THING next to her.
1. Aloha E Komo Mai

A/N: I wrote this story to tell what happened when Dib moved to Kaua'i in Alohilani's Take On Me. But I tried to make Policy of Truth a stand-alone story, so you don't have to read Alohilani's crossover fanfiction before you read mine. It's an excellent series, but it takes forever to get through. You do have to be familiar with both TV series, however.

Alohilani was also my beta reader for this story, which I really appreciate.

Note that the kids' proportions are more realistic in this story than in the cartoons, just so you don't think Dib and Gaz are super short compared to the Hawaiians. :P

All right, enough rambling.

Policy of Truth

A _Both Syllables _fan fiction

_-because I have plenty of time to say both syllables-_

_Now you're standing there tongue tied  
You better learn your lesson well  
Hide what you have to hide  
And tell what you have to tell  
_-Depeche Mode, "Policy of Truth"

**2/24/03**

_About 8:00 am_

_Pelekai household_

"Good luck on your interview with Professor Membrane today," said Nani as she picked up her backpack, getting ready to walk to work.

Jumba shrugged. "Is a formality." He stuck his meaty hand into the box of donuts. "Professor told me on the phone that I have the most impressive résumé he's seen besides his own. And I left out half my PhDs," he added with a touch of smugness.

Nani hitched up her backpack. "It's a good thing you took my advice, or else your résumé would be 20 pages long. No one would believe you earned ten PhDs anyway, and you don't want to show up your boss." Nani had also found the article about Membrane relocating his laboratory to Kaua'i and urged Jumba to apply for a job, but she didn't think it was necessary to remind him of that.

Instead she said, "It'll be so nice for our family to have another income."

"What am I, yesterday's chopped liver?" said Pleakley, setting down his mug with more force than necessary. "What about my job? I work hard, you know."

"I know you're trying, Pleakley." Nani's tone was patronizing, although not mean-spirited.

Jumba snorted. "Pleakley, you don't have job, you have expensive hobby."

"You have to spend money to make money!" Pleakley shot back, rising to his three feet.

"That is ridiculous." Jumba waved his donut. "Look at Nani - all she needs is canoe and paddle and she can make hundred bucks a day."

"Well, I guess it's easy to earn a living a living if you have _upper body strength!_"

Nani took this as her cue to leave for work.

_Just after 9:00 am_

It took a long time to check on over 600 experiments spread across an island, but Lilo visited each of them at least once a week. As she and Stitch began their weekend rounds, they were sidetracked by the moving truck in the driveway next door.

This piece of land had been a curiosity to Lilo for the past week. Just seven days earlier, there was nothing but bushes and weeds growing on the site. Then some workers broke ground with their backhoes and bulldozers. She'd never seen construction workers finish a building that quickly - except on TV, but there were no cameras that she could see.

The house was made of metal, with a curved roof and round windows like portals on the second story. Lilo thought it was kind of cool, even if the yard was bare and crossed with tire tracks.

And people were moving in already! A boy and a girl stood in the driveway, watching the movers try to squeeze a couch through the doorway. Lilo grinned from ear to ear.

"Look, Stitch! They have kids our age."

Stitch cocked his head, giving her a quizzical glance. Lilo was 13, while Stitch was only seven.

"You know what I mean. Come on, let's go say aloha."

_Outside Membrane's house_

Dib set his box on the ground as the movers turned the couch upside down to make it fit through the door. "This could take awhile." He checked his watch. "It's only 9:05. This is gonna be the longest day of our lives."

Gaz crossed her arms. "It's gonna be even longer if you don't stop talking."

Dib shut up as he tried to figure out if Gaz was making a weird threat or just a comment.

"Aloha!" A clear voice rang out behind them. Dib jumped and spun around. Standing in the driveway was a Hawaiian girl with long, straight hair. And there was a blue _thing_ next to her. It was furry with four stocky legs and large, spade-shaped ears that stood out from its big head (not that Dib was one to talk). It had a wide koala nose and its mouth stretched halfway around its head. Its solid black eyes stared at Dib with unnerving intensity.

"I'm Lilo and this is Stitch," said the girl. "We're your neighbors. Our house is behind those trees." She pointed.

Dib stared for a few stunned seconds. "What is that thing!?"

Lilo frowned. "He's my dog," she said, putting her arm around Stitch, who wagged his stubby tail.

"Woof," said Stitch.

"Hey, what a funny looking dog," said one of the movers. "Cute, though." He left the couch to walk toward Stitch. "Is he friendly?"

Dib planted his forehead in his palm. "You gotta be kidding me."

Normally Dib would shout to the movers that dogs weren't blue, and that this creature wouldn't look anything like a dog even if it were a different color. But he'd decided before he moved that he would take a more subtle approach to his paranormal investigations, so people wouldn't say he was crazy.

He took a deep breath to steady himself. "Lilo, is it?"

Lilo nodded. "What's your name?"

"Hey. You," Gaz interrupted, glaring at the mover. "My dad isn't paying you to play with animals."

The man raised his eyebrows and looked through the doorway at the other mover, who shrugged one shoulder. "Come on, brudda."

Lilo smiled bravely at Gaz. "Um, where is your dad?" she asked.

"Inside." Gaz's glare softened to her usual squint.

"So, about your pet," Dib cut in, determined not to lose his topic. "What breed is it?"

"He's an Australian poodle," recited Lilo.

"Woof," added Stitch

"Oh come on! A_ poodle_?" Then Dib clapped his hands over his mouth. He hadn't meant to say that out loud. So much for subtlety. "Never mind. Um, I'm gonna go check out my room." He darted toward the doorway, saw it was still blocked by the couch, and ran around the house to find the back door.

Lilo blinked and turned her head from Stitch to Gaz. "Is your brother okay?"

"For him, yeah."

There was a pause. "So, what's your name?" asked Lilo.

"Gaz. That was Dib." She jerked her thumb at the house. "I should warn you, you'll probably see a lot more of him," she added in an indifferent tone.

"Oh." Lilo's eyes caught Dib staring out the front window at Stitch. She waved at him, and he pulled away with a guilty expression. "You mean like that?"

"Yeah," said Gaz, without glancing at the house.

_Quarter after nine_

_Outside the Pelekai household_

"He knows," said Stitch, as soon as they were out of Gaz's earshot.

"You're right, Stitch. Or at least he suspects." Lilo picked up her pace. "We have to talk to Jumba about this. But don't say anything if Pleakley's around. We don't want him to freak out and call Cobra."

"Ih," Stitch agreed.

Jumba, in spite of his assertion that the interview was a formality, had notes spread out over the kitchen table. When Lilo and Stitch strode into the room, Jumba asked without glancing up, "Do you think I should tell Professor Membrane about experiments? I would tell him they are genetically modified rats or guinea pigs."

"Rats?" asked Stitch with an injured expression.

"I don't know, Jumba," said Lilo. "We have something more important to worry about. We think one of our new neighbors knows Stitch is an alien."

Jumba lifted his head from the papers, blinking his four eyes at Lilo. "What new neighbors?"

"They're moving into the house they built next door."

"They finished that thing already?"

Lilo put her hands on her hips. "Yeah. Listen, Jumba, you need to check on your machine. There may be something wrong with it."

"I take it you mean the anti-detection device." Jumba scooted his chair back to stand. "I will go look at it."

The anti-detection device influenced people's minds so they wouldn't notice anything unusual about the extraterrestrials that inhabited Kaua'i. Jumba got the idea from the Irkens, who have an innate ability to bend the minds of non-Irkens if they make eye contact and speak firmly. This power, which the Irkens call the Suggestion, allows them to blend in with other species. Originally it was used as a defense against larger creatures, but as their society became more structured, the Invaders began using the Suggestion to infiltrate and conquer planets.

Jumba had worked with and studied Irkens for much of his adult life, since the Jukanis have a historic connection with the Irkens. After landing on Earth, he built a machine that would transmit a signal to the humans' minds that would tell them nothing was wrong with him, Pleakley or the 626 experiments.

"Machine is working fine," said Jumba, after running a diagnostic. "But Jumba will test it to make sure." He held a photo in front of Lilo's face. "What is this?"

"Um…" Lilo always recognized Stitch's cousins because she knew them well, but this picture looked like an ugly green kid. "A very sick person?"

"Wrong. Excellent." He put the photo in a file. "Lilo, are you sure neighbor knows Stitch is alien?"

"No, but he's definitely suspicious. He kept staring at Stitch, and he asked what breed Stitch was, and he didn't believe me when I said he was an Australian poodle."

"You should have said Stitch was blue furred ectoplasmic detector dog," said Jumba with a wry smile.

"I forgot I called him that." Lilo smiled back. "How old was I, like six?"

"Yes, you were little dickens," said Jumba. He rubbed his chins. "But seriously, I am thinking that neighbor might be immune to Suggestion."

Lilo lifted her eyebrows. "You mean it doesn't work on everyone?"

"It works on almost everyone, but there are rare exceptions - one in 1.3 million, to be exact - who are resistant to Suggestion. No one knows how or why that is, since no one even understands exactly how Suggestion works."

"You built machine," Stitch said haltingly. "Why don't you understand?"

"I understand enough to imitate some results, but is crude compared to real Suggestion, and it does not work the same way. Irkens say aloud what they want people to think or do, and their neurons fire just so - they call it flexing. Is very complicated."

"So do you have any idea what to do if the machine doesn't work on him?" asked Lilo.

Jumba nodded. "If my machine doesn't work, it will be up to you to do what you do best."

Lilo shared a questioning glance with Stitch. "I don't see how hula will help the situation."

Jumba chuckled, jiggling his substantial gut. "No, Lilo, think about it. You must make neighbor ohana."

"Oh." It did make sense when she thought about it. After all, Mertle had eventually accepted Lilo's weirdness and become her friend. Maybe Dib would too.

"But first I want to see for myself if he is immune." Jumba put on a big floppy fishing hat and sunglasses. "Want to come with?"

Lilo creased her brow. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to go over there. What if he realizes you're an alien?"

"We are neighbors." Jumba shrugged. "We're going to meet sooner or later. Might as well get it out of the way. And if something goes wrong, I'm sure Cobra will handle it."

Lilo looked askance at him, but she followed him out the door.


	2. He's an Alien!

_It's so much better  
When everyone is in  
Are you in?_  
-Incubus, "Are You In?"

_Hello. We come in peace to blow up your home._  
-Jumba

_Sometime after nine_

_Membrane's house_

Dib peered out the livingroom window at the creature in the driveway. It was unlike anything from his world, so he reasoned it was either a monster from another dimension or a space alien. He hoped it was the latter. Alternate dimensions tended to fuel his nightmares.

A movement caught his eye, and he saw Lilo waving at him. Oops. He backed away from the window. What he wouldn't give for curtains. He paced the empty room, hearing the movers talk about removing the couch's legs, but not paying attention. Lilo had showed him where she and Stitch lived - sort of. Dib could wait until they left and go investigate their house. He wanted to find out what Stitch was, and whether or not he was an enemy of mankind. Unfortunately all of Dib's equipment was packed up, except for the digital camera in his pocket. Digital cameras were all right, but he liked film because he could show people the negatives when they accused him of making fakes - though even then people often said he "did something to the negatives," whatever that meant. But he wanted to check out Lilo's house as soon as possible.

"Um, sir?" he asked one of the movers. "Are that girl and her pet still outside?"

The movers had indeed taken off the couch legs and slid it all the way inside. The one who had pet Stitch threw a glance over his shoulder. "Yeah, they're gone. It's okay, cuz. Lots of people are afraid of dogs."

"Yeah. Thanks," Dib deadpanned.

"Son!" Membrane came up from his lab, where he'd been setting up his equipment (although he hadn't used his old home lab that often, especially in the past year). "I'm giving you an IMPORTANT TASK! Your job is to find a pizza place that delivers salad."

"Pizza?" Gaz appeared in the doorway. "Do they have Bloaty's around here?"

"Never heard of it," said a mover.

"WHAT?" Gaz's eyes opened wide. "I must have Bloaty's! The pig commands me!"

Dib sighed. "Here we go."

The movers looked sidelong at Gaz. "Hey, no need to get upset. We have plenty of good pizza places. Though none of them are open yet."

"I don't want other pizza places!" She clenched her fists, trembling. "I. Want. BLOATY'S!"

Membrane walked over to her, put his hand on her shoulder, and muttered in her ear, "Act your age. You're embarrassing your father."

Gaz jerked away as if he'd spat on her. "_Excuse me _for embarrassing you in front of _two guys you'll never see again_, but everything I held dear has been taken from me!"

Silence reigned as everyone stared at her. Even Dib was stunned. He knew better than anyone how touchy Gaz was about her food, but this was ridiculous.

"Um," said a mover, "we'd better get the rest of the furniture."

His companion agreed and ran out the door

_Outside Membrane's house_

"Is nice place," said Jumba as he thumped up the driveway. "Is looking sturdy." He passed two movers who didn't seem to notice him. "Knock knock!" he called, rapping his big fist on the door frame. "Is neighbors coming to welcome you!"

A lanky man came to the door. He wore a clean lab coat with a collar that covered his nose, and his hair grew in a long lightening bolt spike. Jumba recognized him from his canceled TV show, and the man introduced himself in a way that left no doubt.

"Good afternoon. I'm Professor Membrane, inventor of SUPER TOAST! And who might you be?"

Jumba was so shocked that he didn't think to point out that it was, in fact, still morning. Panicked, he turned to Lilo. "Why did you not tell me neighbor was Professor Membrane? I could have prepared more! Now I might not get job."

"I didn't know he was here!" Lilo waved her arms. "I just saw his kids, I guess."

"Excuse me," Membrane said slowly, "did you say something about a job?"

Jumba recovered then, seeing that Membrane didn't seem to notice anything odd about him. "Yes. I am Dr. Jumba Jookiba. We spoke on the phone yesterday."

"Ah yes, Dr. Jookiba." A crease formed over his goggles. "How did you find my house?"

"I happen to live next door. Is strange coincidence, yes?"  
"Yes, that is quite a coincidence. Well, come in, Dr. Jookiba." Membrane strode to the couch, which the movers had left upside-down, and flipped it over. "Have a seat."

"Thank you." As Jumba stepped inside, he saw the two children. The girl hunched her shoulders and clenched her fists, and the boy gaped, his eyes bulging behind his thick glasses. It was clear to Jumba which one was immune to the Suggestion. He sank into the couch, low without its legs, and tried to appear small and harmless, which didn't work for him.

Jumba put his hand on Lilo's shoulders - it was almost big enough to cover both of them. "This is my niece, Lilo. She is about your age, yes?"

Feeling inexplicably timid, Lilo waved at Dib, keeping her hand at her waist.

"What do you people _want?_" Dib burst out, his eyes darting from Jumba to Stitch to Lilo. "Why are you here!?"

"Now son, that's no way to speak to our guests!" Membrane turned to Jumba. "I'm sorry. My children are a bit upset about the move. Yes, that must be it." He pulled his wallet out of his pocket and handed Dib a wad of bills. "Go find something to eat, kids. And bring me a salad. Tell them to put the dressing on the side!"

"Dad…" began Dib. _He's an alien! _his mind screamed. But what was the use in saying it out loud? His dad never listened. "Is he really going to work for you?"

"Probably, son."

"Well, make sure he has a green card." He glowered at Jumba. "_If _you know what I'm saying."

Jumba and Lilo knew what he was saying.

"Is that all you're worried about? Of course I'll make sure he has proper documentation. Off you go, kids." Membrane dismissed them with a wave.

Dib turned to leave with Gaz, but he threw Jumba another glare. He raised his hand to his face, pointed two fingers at his eyes, then pointed them at Jumba.

The heavy alien raised his eyebrows. "I probably should have been saying this sooner, but I come in peace."

"Save it." Dib stalked out the doorway.

"Wait!" Lilo sprang after him, Stitch skittering at her heels. "Do you mind if I come with you? I, uh, haven't eaten breakfast yet."

Dib studied her, as the movers hauled a mattress behind her.

"Okay." It would let him keep an eye on one alien, at least. He was about 90 percent sure that Jumba and Stitch were aliens, rather than monsters from another dimension. Although he couldn't explain how he knew, everything about Jumba screamed "alien!" and Stitch's mouth and nose resembled Jumba's.

When they reached the end of the driveway, Gaz held out her hand. "Give me two thirds."

"Two thirds? That's ludicrous!"

"One of us has to buy for Dad." She wiggled her fingers.

Dib sighed. "Fine." He counted out the bills, and she grabbed them.

"Don't follow me."

As Gaz stormed away, Dib turned to Lilo and Stitch. The blue creature rose to stand on two legs. After checking that no one was watching, he held his clawed hand up to Dib.

"Hiii."

Dib stared.

"Shake?" prompted Stitch.

The boy craned his neck to look at Stitch's palm. Then he reached out and shook Stitch's hand. It was fluffy, but the claws pricked his skin a little.

"What's your game, you alien monster?" he asked, but without the venom he'd had toward Zim.

"Stitch not monster." The alien spread his arms. "Stitch fluffy!"

Dib wasn't convinced, although he had to admit Stitch didn't seem evil. More like a cute sidekick, a smarter GIR.

"What about you, Lilo? What are you?"

"Me?" Lilo brought her hand to her chest. "What do you mean?"

"Are you an alien too?"

Lilo wrinkled her brow. "No, of course not. Although now that you mention it, I can see how you would think that. I could be a pod person for all you know."

He shook his head. "No, you're way too alert for a pod person," he said perfectly straight. "But you could be an alien with a holographic disguise."

"Oh yeah, I could be." Lilo smiled playfully. "But I'm not. Ask me something only a human would know."

God help him, he was starting to _like_ Lilo. It wasn't often that he met someone who didn't threaten him or call him insane.

"Hm…Something only a human would know." He tapped his chin. "Any alien could research facts about Earth." After thinking for a minute, he said, "Okay, here's a question an alien probably couldn't answer. What do you like best about Earth?"

"Let's see…" She gazed at the cotton ball clouds in thought. "I like the oceans, the beaches, cake, shave ice, hula, voodoo, mummies, monster movies…Oh, and Elvis! I can't believe I almost forgot him."

"That was a convincing answer," admitted Dib.

Lilo's brown eyes twinkled. "All right, your turn, Dib. What do you like about Earth?"

"I- Hey, how did you know my name?"

"Gaz told me."

"Oh. Well, I like monster movies too. And bigfeet, yetis, vampires, werewolves and ghosts." He frowned in thought. "Do other planets have ghosts?"

"I don't know. I never thought about it before. I guess they probably do, since they have souls and die like we do," said Lilo.

"Good point." Dib glanced down. "Or we could ask Stitch."

"Don't know," Stitch said hesitantly. "Stitch not spend much time off Earth."

"Where are you from?" asked Dib.

"Turo. In lab."

"Stitch isn't exactly normal, even for an alien," Lilo put in. "It's a long story. It would take at least an hour and a half to tell the whole thing."

Dib leaned toward her. "I'm listening."

_Around 9:45 am_

_Kokaua Town_

"And then Stitch stole a space police cruiser and put it in hyper drive," said Lilo, her flip-flops slapping the pavement as she walked under the trees. Dib was so caught up in her story that he'd only interrupted twice.

"He just happened to head straight for Earth," she continued. "His spaceship crashed right near my house. I saw it from my bedroom window, and I thought it was a meteor." She eyed Stitch with a frown. "Why _did_ you crash?"

Stitch lifted his head. "Stitch made to destroy things."

"You crashed it on purpose?" asked Lilo in mild surprise.

"Stitch indestructible. Ship not."

Dib thought "indestructible" was a big word for someone who struggled to string five words together.

"Aloha, Lilo! If it isn't my favorite Earth girl!"

Lilo groaned inwardly at the hoarse voice calling behind her. Maybe she could pretend not to hear.

But Dib heard, turning with wide eyes to see another alien waddling toward them. This one was fatter than Stitch, with a bulbous nose that took up almost his entire face.

Stitch narrowed his silicate eyes at the other alien. "Nosy."

"Hiya, cousin," greeted Nosy. He peered through his glasses at Dib. "Hey, I know who you are. You're Professor Membrane's kid."

"How-"

"I saw your picture in a tabloid." Nosy turned to Lilo. "Did you know Dib was arrested twice?"

Lilo's mouth fell open as she looked at Dib, who paled.

"If it hadn't been a slow news day…" Dib began.

"And I know all kinds of shady things about Professor Membrane. Wanna know why he moved his lab to Kaua'i? It's because his old lab has so much radioactive crud that it made some humans grow webbed fish toes!"

An old couple toddered passed Nosy, staring with their curious watery eyes.

"That's not true!" snapped Dib, although he privately had no idea.

Nosy continued as if Dib hadn't spoken. "He built his new lab here because there are already so many freaks that no one would notice a human with webbed toes. But what he _doesn't_ know," he added, turning back to Dib, "is that most of us freaks are actually illegal genetic experiments created to cause chaos and help conquer planets."

"Nosy!" yelled Lilo. She glanced at the old couple. "He's a compulsive liar. Don't believe a word of it."

"What's that, honey?" said the old man. "He's a convulsive flier?"

"Wait." Dib blinked and stared at Stitch. "You're experiment 626. That means there must be 625 others. Are they all _here_?"

"You're pretty smart for a human," said Nosy. "Actually, there are 630 experiments, and that's if you don't count the next gen and clones of Leroy."

"Clones of who?"

Lilo scowled. "Now you're just confusing him." She reached into her purse. "If I give you a dollar, will you leave us alone?" She knew she should have bribed Nosy sooner, but his gossip about Dib and Membrane had fascinated her even as it repulsed her. Nosy often had that effect on people.

The alien eyed the dollar. "You sure you don't want to hear more about Dib? I bet you didn't know that his real name is Dilbert Putchel."

"I'll give you five," said Dib, thrusting a bill in front of Nosy's, well, nose. "Just _shut up._"

Nosy accepted the money with a smile and drew his fingers across his lips in a zipping motion. Then he toddled back the way he came.

Dib and Lilo intently avoided eye contact for a full minute. Lilo knew all too well how Dib felt, since Nosy had embarrassed her many times in the past. But _two_ arrests? And Dib hadn't denied it; he only denied that Membrane's lab made people grow webbed fish toes. On the other hand, anyone named Dilbert couldn't be that evil, right? Lilo fought a smile. Dilbert Putchel? Where in the world did Putchel come from, anyway?

She cast a tentative glance at Dib. "I thought your last name was Membrane."

"No." He was tired of explaining it. "It's my dad's celebrity name. Look, about the arrests, they were both misdemeanors. The first time was for trespassing, and the second time was for terrorizing puppies."

"Terrorizing _puppies_?" Lilo's eyebrows shot up.

"I didn't even _do_ anything to them." Dib began rambling. "The pet store manager was just ticked off because I stayed too long without buying anything. It was so stupid! I know it sounds like I'm making excuses, but I don't think I did anything wrong."

"Hey, it's cool." Lilo gave him a reassuring smile. "I've trespassed a few times, and I've hung out in stores without buying anything." She shrugged. "Maybe it's a cultural difference. People here don't call 911 over every little thing."

"Really?" He smiled a little. "Thanks, Lilo. That's good to know."

_10:00 am_

Gaz never thought she would find pizza that tasted better than Bloaty's, much less from a concession stand called Frenchfry's. That wasn't even the weirdest part. No, the weirdest part was the monster who cooked the food with his spatula-shaped tail and spoke only French.

Whatever. As long as he made great pizza, Gaz didn't care what he was. She took another bite, relishing the flavorful sauce and greasy cheese. A balmy, salty gust pulled Gaz's hair back and ruffled the napkins on her table. It was foreign and very pleasant. Maybe later she would go to the beach and see if it lived up to the hype.

Gaz's watch beeped then, and she grunted in annoyance. The tiny video screen showed her dad's face.

"Yes?" she said.

"Daughter! Have you found a place to eat yet?"

"Oh yeah. You want a salad, right?"

"Of course, Gazlene," he said. "What else would I eat?"

Gaz rolled her eyes, both at her full name and her dad's assumption that she knew his eating habits. "Okay, Dad, I'll get it." She shut off the screen without saying goodbye, the way people do in movies and TV shows.

The monster sang an annoying French children's song as she walked back to his concession stand. Dib would have a field day with this town. It was always something with him. First it was Zim and his lame schemes to conquer Earth. Dib had freaked when he found out they were moving to Kaua'i; he was sure Zim would enslave mankind or whatever without Dib there to stop him. Then, a couple of weeks before Dib and Gaz moved, Zim suddenly left Earth. According to Dib, his final attempt to kill Zim really got to the alien menace, especially after Zim's near-fatal illness. Gaz had a feeling Dib wasn't telling the whole story, but she didn't care enough to press him. Frankly, Dib probably didn't know the whole reason Zim went away. It didn't matter that much to Gaz, though. She was glad Zim was gone - or as close to glad as she could be. The little guy was annoying.

_Elevenish_

Mertle stepped out of the dog boutique with Gigi in her arms. "Do you like your pedicure, Gigi?"

Gigi wagged her fluffy tail and yapped, since she wasn't supposed to talk in public. The companions were so close that Mertle understood her by the tone of her barks.

"Me too. I'm glad you can see colors, because that shade of pink is so pretty."

The doglike alien yapped again, only this wasn't her happy yap. This was her "I see something" yap. Mertle glanced up, squinting as her eyes adjusted to the midday sun. Several yards away, Lilo and Stitch stood with some tourist, staring at the back of a camera in Lilo's hands.

"Hey Lilo!" called Mertle.

Lilo looked up with a grin. "Aloha, Mertle! This is Dib, my new neighbor. You gotta see these pictures he took!"

Mertle sauntered over to them, giving Dib an appraising stare. "You're really burnt."

"Am I?" he asked, bringing his hand to his face.

"Yeah. You're sweaty, too. Don't you have any summer clothes?"

He shook his head. "It's only unbearably hot a few days out of the year in Michigan."

"Mertle, look at these pictures." Lilo held the camera toward Mertle's face. The screen showed an ugly, disfigured kid.

Mertle's frown deepened. "Is that kid really green, or is your camera messed up?"

"He's really green," said Dib.

"And he has no nose," she observed.

"Yes!" His eyes lit up. "You see it too?"

"Yeah. What a freak. Is he a friend of yours?"

"Uh, _no_," said Dib.

"So what's the story with this guy?" asked Lilo.

Dib pursed his lips and eyed Mertle.

"You can tell us," encouraged Lilo. "Mertle knows about aliens."

"Yeah, it's like they're drawn to this planet like a freaking magnet," said Mertle, rolling her eyes.

Dib's face relaxed into a grin. "I know, right? And when they get here they can't stop complaining about how filthy it is."

Mertle hugged Gigi to her chest. "Not all of them are like that."

"This one looks like an Elvis fan." Lilo switched through the pictures on the camera. "Look at his hair."

"Nah, he hates all humans. See, he's an Irken Invader who tried to conquer Earth. I fought him for two years. His name's Zim."

"So _that's_ an Irken," said Lilo. "Jumba talks about them sometimes. He used to work with them a long time ago."

Dib snapped his head toward her. "He worked with Irkens? Doing what?"

"Oh, well…" Lilo shifted her weight. "Experiments, scientific research…stuff like that. It was a long time ago."

"What kind of experiments?" asked Dib, narrowing his eyes.

"He did some genetic experiments, but mostly he talks about figuring out how their mind powers work," answered Lilo.

"Hm…Does Jumba have any special powers?"

"Oh no." Lilo shook her head. "I think that's why he made all-" she glanced at Gigi "-or most of his creations with awesome powers."

"Huh. I wonder how many planets were conquered because of him," Dib said quietly.

Lilo was speechless. Mertle watched with detached amusement. Although she loved Gigi, she didn't care enough about Gigi's creator to defend him.

In fact, she couldn't resist needling, "Doesn't your uncle still call himself an evil genius?"

"That's…" Lilo brushed her hair out of her face. "That's just a joke now. He's not really evil. At least, he's no worse than most people I know," she added, shooting a pointed glare at Mertle.

Dib's eyes were hard and focused. "How do you know you can trust him? How do you know he isn't going to sabotage my dad's inventions? Huh? Nosy was right about one thing: some of Dad's inventions can be dangerous if someone messes with them."

_So Dib's dad is a scientist_, thought Mertle. That did explain his somewhat nerdy, misfit appearance.

"Jumba wouldn't do that," said Lilo. "He's done evil things in the past, but he's changed. He's been an uncle to me for seven years." She put her hand to her chest. "Nani let him live in our home and she's very overprotective. If she can trust him, anyone can."

Stitch nodded. "Jumba good," he murmured. "Mostly."

"Right," said Dib. "You know, I should go home and start unpacking. Thanks for showing me around, Lilo."

"Oh. Um, okay. No problem." She stared at Dib's camera as if she suddenly realized she was still holding it, and she handed it to him. "I can show you some more of Stitch's cousins tomorrow if you want."

His expression softened a little. "Sounds good."

Lilo sighed as she watched Dib hurry away. "You know, I thought it was going really well until you showed up." She tossed her head at Mertle, who sneered.

"What was it, a date?"

"No. I just wanted to be his friend. I have to. Because if I don't, we might have to become enemies."

A/N: Eh, I'm not really satisfied with the second half of this chapter, but I thought it was necessary to show the characters getting to know each other.


	3. Hawaiian Hospitality

_So needless to say  
I'm odds and ends  
But I'll be stumbling away  
Slowly learning that life is okay  
_-a-ha, "Take On Me"

_He's not evil on the outside, just deep down in his soul.  
_-Lilo

_Just after 11:00 am_

Dib felt kind of overwhelmed by all the new aliens, and he'd only seen two dozen of the 630 experiments so far. He needed to focus on one alien at a time to keep his head from spinning too fast. Dr. Jookiba, who had created all the genetic experiments and collaborated with Irkens, was the obvious one to watch.

Lilo, though…Dib wasn't sure what to make of her. She was nice. And not in a creepy way like Keef. Lilo actually listened to him, and she liked monster movies and mummies. She and Stitch had even fought an evil alien, although Gantu sounded dumber than Zim. But Lilo still seemed too trusting. What if Jumba was biding his time, waiting for the perfect opportunity to…Well, Dib had no idea what the alien would do, but there was a good chance it would result in a wave of doom, or an explosion that would end life as he knew it, or any of his father's other cataclysmic predictions.

Dib was good at remembering landmarks, so he had no trouble finding his way home. When he got there, though, the doors were locked, and so were all the first floor windows. He would have tried the windows on the second floor, but there weren't any ladders around.

He tried calling his dad, but got a recorded message. Dib hoped his dad was just working and hadn't interviewed Dr. Jookiba yet.

Calling Gaz was out of the question. Instead, he set off to find Lilo's house without his equipment. He followed the road around the wooded area Lilo had pointed out, and came across a blue house on stilts, standing up on a hill. It seemed like a normal beach house, except for the spherical addition high at the back. And the big red space ship lying next to it. Dib studied the ship, not too surprised after everything he'd seen that morning. It hadn't flown in a long time, judging by the thatch awning attached to the entrance. Also, there was a sign in front of it that said "Jumba and Pleakley's Bed But Not Breakfast." Dib arched his eyebrow. What kind of ploy was this?

He approached the ship and saw an alien through the clear door, wiping it with a paper towel. The alien was a bit taller than Dib, and looked like a noodle in a wig and a dress. It wasn't the weirdest alien he'd seen, although it came close. He assumed this was Pleakley.

The alien noticed him then, and backed away from the door. Curiosity got the better of Dib, and he walked up the ramp and stepped inside. A blast of cool air hit his face. The interior resembled a small hotel lobby, save for some odd controls at intervals on the walls. Pleakley sat behind a desk. "Welcome to Jumba and Pleakley's Bed But Not Breakfast," he said with a pleasant smile. "Where are your parents or guardians?"

"My dad's at work," answered Dib, wondering why Pleakley would care.

"Is he here on a business trip?" asked Pleakley, leaning forward with an eager expression.

"No."

Pleakley slumped, appearing less professional. "Then why are you here? Are you lost?"

"Um…" Dib thought for a moment; then he hit on an inspiration. "Actually, my dad accidentally locked me out, and I was wondering if I could stay here until he answers my call."

"You're locked out?" Pleakley blinked. "Doesn't your father practice the custom of leaving a key under the mud catcher?"

Dib furrowed his forehead.

"You know, the doormat."

"Oh. I don't think we have one," said Dib.

Pleakley sighed. "All right, you can stay in the lobby."

"Thanks." Dib sat in an uncomfortable chair, leaning forward so his back would stay cool. "So, uh, do people actually sleep here?"

"Of course," said Pleakley with an indignant frown. "I have four people booked for tomorrow."

"I hope they wake up with all their organs," said Dib under his breath. But Pleakley heard. Truthfully, Dib wanted him to hear. He was already bored with this subtle crap, and there was no one else around, anyway.

"Why in the galaxy wouldn't they wake up with their organs? What kind of place do you think I run here?" Pleakley gave him a shrewd stare. "Wait a minute. You're the neighbor kid, aren't you?"

Dib nodded.

"Jumba warned me about you." Pleakley wrung his hands. "But then, why aren't you freaking out? Is my disguise more convincing than Jumba's?"

For the first time that day (and it was a long day), Dib laughed. "Your disguise is as lame as Jumba's! Maybe even worse. I mean, at least Jumba has two legs."

Pleakley's eye narrowed. "My legs aren't that noticeable."

"Only when you hide behind a desk. And you have one huge eye in the middle of your face! And your arms really are like noodles!" he chuckled. Dib could laugh at himself too. Once in a while.

Pleakley folded his noodle arms, not getting the joke. "Okay, wise guy, how can you think I'm so hilarious when you think Jumba's a monster?"

"Jumba's the size of a walrus, he's an evil scientist, he made illegal experiments, he worked with Irkens, and he wants to work with my dad. And you," Dib waved his arm at Pleakley, "well, you're you."

Pleakley didn't seem insulted; instead he looked wary as he asked, "How do you know about Irkens?"

"One of them invaded Earth. Actually there were two of them, but the one was only here for a week."

"WHAT?" Pleakley's pupil shrank. "There's an Irken Invader here on Earth!?" He clutched at his wig. "But this is a protected planet! It's a wildlife sanctuary!"

Dib blinked. "What, the whole planet?"

"That's it. Now I have to call Cobra!" Pleakley picked up the phone from the desk.

Cobra sounded familiar. Wasn't he the CIA/social worker from Lilo's story?

"I already called the CIA about him. They didn't believe me." Dib crossed his arms. "Besides, the Irken's gone now. I was too much for him," he finished with a smirk.

Pleakley paused in mid-dial. "Are you sure?"

"I checked his base, the entrances were all welded shut," said Dib. "He's really gone."

Pleakley hung up. "Well, okay. If you say so. But how did you scare off an Irken Invader? You're just a kid."

"Hey, I may be a kid, but I've prepared my whole life to hunt aliens. Besides, this Irken was kind of a moron. Definitely unstable, at least."

"When was he here?" Pleakley leaned on his desk. "For how long?"

"He came here two years ago, and he just left two weeks ago. But I don't have time to tell the whole story. I need to know where Jumba is." He frowned and added, "Or my dad's lab."

"You don't know where your father's lab is?"

"No. We just got here," Dib checked his watch, "four hours ago."

"Let me see if I understand this," said Pleakley. "Your dad brought you to a strange place, locked you out of the house, went off to work, and left you and your sister to fend for yourselves?"

"I…Well…" Dib looked away. "It sounds bad when you say it like that, but…That's just Dad being Dad." His gaze hardened as he turned back to Pleakley. "Besides, I'm not helpless, and my sister's even less helpless." He shoved his hands in his pockets. "Although, it would've been nice if he'd given me a key before I left."

"Yes, that's the least he should've done. Well, I can tell you where Membrane Labs is…are." He shrugged. Then he smiled. "Hey, I have an idea. Jumba could drive you there when he goes to his interview! Then you'd learn he's not such a bad guy and you could bond like in one of those road trip buddy movies!" Pleakley clasped his hands in front of his chest.

Dib was dumbfounded for a moment. Getting in a car with Jumba didn't sound like the safest idea. And…

"How far is it?"

"Oh, it's a ten minute round trip." Pleakley waved his hand. "You'll at least be able to start to get to know each other."

Dib turned the idea over in his mind. Going with Jumba to the interview was his best chance to make sure it didn't go well.

"Yeah, you know, that is a good idea."

"Of course it is," said Pleakley with a nod. "I'll take you to the house so you can ask him." He glanced around. "Since business is slow right now."

_11:16 am_

_Pelekai household_

Jumba flipped through channels, having nothing better to do. His notes were in his briefcase, and he'd gone over the list of typical questions employers ask, which Nani had given him. Nani had more experience with interviews than anyone Jumba knew, and she really wanted him to get this job. But Jumba wasn't applying just for Nani. He wanted official recognition for his scientific achievements, even if the acclaim was only on a backwards planet.

The front door opened, and Jumba turned his head to see Pleakley with the neighbor boy behind him.

"Ach. What for did you bring him here?" rumbled Jumba. "Where are Lilo and Stitch?"

"I don't know," said Pleakley, glancing behind him as if they might bound up the front stairs that very moment. "They're probably visiting some monster or another."

"You called them monsters!" said the boy.

Pleakley rolled his eye. "They're good monsters." He put his hands on his hips. "Well, go ahead. Ask him."

The boy stepped forward. "Okay. My dad locked me out of the house and he won't answer his screen so Pleakley said you might give me a ride to his lab." His expression was neutral, but he forced the words out as if they had a bad taste.

Jumba gazed evenly at him. "Did he now?"

He wondered if he should work for someone so scatterbrained, even if Membrane was famous on this world. On the other hand, maybe the boy was making it up so he'd have an excuse to ride with Jumba and…do what, exactly? Steal Jumba's briefcase? Turn on annoying music?

Jumba nodded. "All right, neighbor boy. You can ride with me."

"It's Dib."

"Dib, then. Did Lilo show you my experiments?" asked Jumba.

"Yeah, I saw some." The boy's eyes sparked. "She said you made them to take over planets. Although, most of them looked pretty harmless," he added with a puzzled frown.

Jumba chuckled. "That's the point! No one would suspect something so cute to cause so much destruction!" He spread his arms. "And after it starts its rampage, no one will want to hurt something so cute and fluffy!" Jumba stifled another laugh.

Dib stared with huge eyes.

"Jumba, tone it down!" said Pleakley, scowling.

"Of course I don't do that kind of thing anymore." Jumba folded his hands. "Now I use science for good."

Dib held his stare.

"Jumba, you're not going to the interview dressed like that, are you?" asked Pleakley, clumsily changing the subject.

"I was," said Jumba, hunching his shoulders.

"You're supposed to dress nicer than the position you're applying for. I read that on the Earth internet."

"Tch. Nani didn't say anything about dressing up." Jumba waved his hand.

"Nani doesn't have to dress up," said Pleakley. "She has looks and charm you can't even begin to understand."

"What, that tyrant?" asked Jumba, half joking.

"She may be a tyrant with us, but she knows how to schmooze with her boss," said Pleakley.

"Give me an example," said Dib.

Jumba and Pleakley eyed him, nonplussed. "An example of Nani schmoozing with her boss?" asked Pleakley.

"Not that." Dib shook his head. "I mean an example of using science for good."

"Ah, I see." Jumba remembered his notes. "I have been working on a way to introduce uburnium to Earth market. Is the most common fuel in galaxy, very inexpensive and clean if used correctly. Unfortunately it is very radioactive, but I have developed a formula to stabilize molecules so they won't cause nuclear fallout when vehicle crashes."

Dib knitted his brow. "That _sounds_ good…but I'd have to see it for myself."

"I cannot show you uburnium now, but I can show you diagrams." Jumba set his briefcase on the coffee table and flipped it open.

"See, here is uburnium molecule. And here is formula for stabilization."

Dib's eyes moved across the pages. Jumba didn't know how much the boy understood.

After a minute or two, Dib said, "This formula looks like it works, but I don't see how this chemical could power a combustion engine."

"It can't, but there are already functional engines designed to use uburnium." Jumba shuffled through his notes and pulled out another diagram. "It has tiny nuclear reaction chamber."

"Okay, you've made your point." Dib folded his arms. "Man, I forgot how _boring_ real science is."

_11:26 am_

_Outside the Pelekais' house_

Jumba squeezed behind the steering wheel of the Jeep, taking up most of both front seats. Dib eyed Jumba for a moment before climbing into the back.

"Do you mind if I turn on oldies station?" asked Jumba as he put the Jeep in drive.

"I don't care," said Dib, shrugging. "I'm tone deaf."

That was interesting. Could that have something to do with Dib's resistance to the Suggestion, or was it a coincidence?

Dib got quiet as Jumba coasted out of the driveway with the Beatles' "Nowhere Man" playing on the radio. Out of the corner of his outer right eye, Jumba saw Dib writing in a little notebook. Jumba didn't say anything; maybe it wasn't important. He turned his full attention to the road, and soon Membrane Labs came into view. The facility was designed not for practical purposes, but rather to show laypeople how scientific it was.

Jumba heaved himself out of the vehicle, and pulled his lab coat (which he'd taken as a compromise with Pleakley) over his Hawaiian shirt. Dib stepped out of the Jeep, glancing from Jumba to the lab with an I-can't-believe-this-is-really-happening expression. Jumba had become quite an expert at reading human expressions over the past seven years.

A security guard stood in front of the entrance, sweating in his dark uniform. "What's your business here?" he grumbled as they walked up to him.

Jumba waited for Dib to speak - it was his father, after all.

Dib noticed Jumba's expectant stare. "I'm Professor Membrane's son - and I have my birth certificate if you don't believe me!" he said, whipping a document from his inside coat pocket.

The guard took the paper and looked it over. "All right, you're clear," he said, sounding annoyed for some reason. He returned the certificate to Dib and moved aside to let him through the door.

"I am here for interview with Professor," Jumba informed the guard.

The man didn't ask for identification or even a name. He merely nodded and said, "Go to the end of the hallway, turn right, go in the first room on the left and sign in."

Dib paused just inside to listen to the directions; then he ran down the hallway. Shrugging, Jumba stepped inside and lumbered toward the room. When he reached it, a couple of college kids were fidgeting in metal chairs - but Dib wasn't there. There was a door at the far end of the room labeled PROFESSOR MEMBRANE'S OFFICE - in goofy wobbly letters, no less. Jumba supposed Dib had gone in. With an inward shrug, Jumba signed the clipboard on the desk.

_11:33 am_

_Professor Membrane's office_

Dib saw his dad typing on a laptop and felt a pang of envy. He shoved it back and cleared his throat.

His dad didn't glance up from the screen as he said, "Good afternoon! Let me pull up your information and-"

"It's _me_, Dad. You know, Dib."

Membrane peeled his eyes from the screen. "Oh. What brings you here, son?"

"I need a key to the house," said Dib in a calmer tone.

"Ah, of course."

No "my bad." Likely his dad didn't realize he'd locked his kids out, and Dib just let it go.

"I'd better take Gaz's copy to give to her," said Dib, thinking that Gaz would see him sooner than their dad.

Membrane nodded and passed the house keys to him. "Anything else?" he asked politely.

Dib took a deep breath. "Actually, I thought of some questions you could ask Doctor- the people you're hiring." He held out a page torn from his notebook.

Membrane took it and peered at the writing. "These are VERY SANE questions, son! Perhaps this island is doing you some good after all!"

"What do you mean, 'after all'?" asked Dib.

"What?" Membrane leaned back in a sharp little motion - almost a flinch, if Dib didn't know better.

"You said this island is doing me some good after all." Dib tilted his head. "Did you think it would make me 'worse' somehow?" he asked, air quotes and all.

"No, no," said his dad, too quick, his gloved fingers clenching the paper. "I meant 'after all this time of you being insane.' You know, son, this last question is a bit fluffy, but it could be a way to lighten the mood after a tough interview."

_Fluffy? _He thought Dib's question was _fluffy? _What a way to change the subject!

"It's great to see you're showing interest in my AWARD-WINNING WORK again!" continued Membrane.

Dib clenched his fists and then relaxed them. "Yeah, it sure is interesting." He tried so hard to keep the sarcasm out of his voice, and he almost succeeded. Fortunately, his dad didn't seem to pick up on it. "Do you think I could stay here for awhile so I can see how you choose the scientists to work for you?" asked Dib. He disgusted himself at that moment. Thank goodness he only had to keep it up for ten minutes or however long the interview lasted.

"Well…" Membrane laid Dib's paper on the desk. "I suppose that would be all right." He held up his index finger. "But you're only here to WATCH! Don't say anything unless you're spoken to!"

What was this, the 1800s? Still, kids didn't often sit in on job interviews.

"Okay," said Dib with a nod. Maybe this subtle manipulation approach would work. The problem was that, aside from the questions, he didn't have a plan. He couldn't do anything drastic, since he didn't want to risk making Jumba look like the victim - which had often happened in his fights with Zim.

_11:46 am_

_Waiting room outside Membrane's office_

The intercom buzzed with Professor Membrane's voice. "Dr. Jumba Jookiba, please come into my office." That seemed a bit odd, as if Jumba already worked for him. But Jumba had never been employed in an Earth business, so maybe they were all like this.

The office was as bare as Membrane's house, with only a desk, a laptop computer, and three chairs. Dib sat in one of them, in a corner behind Membrane's desk. Jumba was not surprised, since he hadn't seen Dib come out. The boy's hands gripped his knees, and he had a determined expression.

"Thank you for coming, doctor." Membrane rose and reached across the desk to shake his hand. Jumba didn't like shaking hands with humans because his hand awkwardly swallowed theirs - but it couldn't be avoided in some circumstances. Dib quirked his eyebrow, seeming to notice Jumba's discomfort.

"I hope you don't mind if my son watches the interview," said Membrane.

"Not at all," said Jumba, keeping his tone light. "Although, I am wondering why young teenage boy is interested in such things."

"The real question is why WOULDN'T my son be interested in my BRILLIANT occupation?" Membrane curled his fingers and raised his hand in a manic gesture.

Jumba blinked, taken aback by this outburst. The man's ego rivaled Jumba's, and that was saying something. Dib rolled his eyes behind his father's back.

"I'm sure everyone appreciates your work, Professor." Jumba spread his hands. "I only meant that job interviews can be rather boring."

Membrane's voice became jovial as he said, "Try doing eight in one day!" He waved at the chair in front of his desk. "Have a seat, Doctor, and we'll get started."

Dib opened his mouth, then pressed his lips together.

"Your résumé says that you've been a freelance inventor for the past five years," continued Membrane. "What kind of work do you do?"

Jumba told him about his inventions and ideas, including uburnium stabilization, which fascinated Membrane much more than it had Dib. Membrane asked where Jumba obtained the uburnium, and Jumba said that he sent robots to extract it from the Moon's core. In reality, Earth's Moon had only trace amounts, but Membrane bought the lie.

After about 15 minutes, the Professor mentioned that he would have to check Jumba's criminal background. "Not that I don't trust you," said Membrane, "but it's standard procedure. If you do have a criminal background, it might be something we can work around." He gave Dib a significant look.

Jumba blinked, tilting his head back. What the heck? How much had Dib told Membrane? And how much did Membrane believe?

There was nothing for it but to answer the way he'd rehearsed with Nani. That way he could blame her if the interview went wrong.

He spread his palms, feigning indifference. "I have nothing to hide. When you run background check, you won't find anything." _Because my records are sealed, and most of them are in Tantalog._

Dib glowered at him with pure loathing. The last time Jumba had seen a glare that intense was when he was on trial for creating Stitch. But unlike the Council, this boy had nothing on Jumba; he only knew whatever Lilo had told him.

"I'm sure you'll check out just fine," said Membrane. "I trust you have a work permit?"

The CIA had indeed given one to Jumba, which he showed to the Professor.

"Good! I have one last question." Membrane steepled his fingers. "Since you're using science for the good of the world, I'd like you to tell me what you like best about the planet we live on."

Jumba lifted his eyebrow. The question wouldn't have sounded too out of place in an Earth beauty pageant. Dib was no longer glaring, but watching carefully.

"Is fascinating little planet," said Jumba. "Humans possess great potential, yet they are being held back by fears and prejudices - and also short life span and shorter memory."

Membrane nodded. "Yes, I've always thought so."

"Dad, did you notice Dr. Jookiba said they instead of we?"

"Ah-ah!" Membrane wagged his finger at Dib. "We talked about this." He turned back to Jumba, ignoring Dib's pout. "Well, Doctor, it's been an enlightening interview. Can you start tomorrow?"

Dib grimaced, but stayed silent.

"Certainly. Thank you, Professor." Jumba glanced at Dib. "But what about background check?"

Membrane waved dismissively. "I'll get the result tomorrow. For now I'll take your word for it."

They discussed hours and starting pay after that, while Dib fired up his glare again. When the interview was over at last, Dib stood and followed Jumba out the door.

"Son? Don't you want to watch the other interviews?"

"Maybe some other time, Dad."

As soon as the door clicked shut, Dib whirled on Jumba. "This isn't over," he said in a low voice.

"Dib, I hope you are not going to be following me everywhere for the rest of your life." Jumba lowered his head. "It could get kind of aggravating."

The boy kept pace with Jumba as he followed the hallway back to the parking lot. "You think I'm aggravating now? I haven't even sprayed you with anything yet."

Jumba held up his hand. "Woah. You are not to be spraying anything on Jumba, do you understand?"

Dib's eyes narrowed. "We'll see."

They exited the building, and Dib turned away to walk toward the sidewalk.

Jumba was not without sympathy. Dib's hatred was not personal, but he possessed a fear of anyone who looked different - all too common in his species. Jumba also got the impression that Dib was not close with his father, yet he wanted to protect Membrane. Jumba respected that.

"I can give you ride back home," he offered.

"I'll walk," answered Dib, without turning around.

"Dib. If I had wanted to harm you, I would have already done so."

The boy stopped, but he still didn't turn, so Jumba couldn't see his face.

"Besides," added Jumba, "I would have nothing to gain from hurting boss's son."

Dib turned around then, eyeing Jumba. "You have that Suggestion thing. You could get away with anything."

Ame kef. What had Lilo told Dib? Just enough to give him wild ideas, from the sound of it.

"Is only anti-detection device. It does not have anything like that kind of control," corrected Jumba. "I cannot make people believe whatever I want them to."

Dib's expression became thoughtful, but not completely convinced.

"Also know this." Jumba held up his finger. "I could have conquered Earth years ago if I really wanted to." He shrugged. "I had the means, at least. But the Galactic Federation considers hostile takeover of protected planet to be a declaration of war. Would not be worth the trouble."

The boy still looked dubious - he did that a lot, Jumba was beginning to notice. "Okay…I'm walking home now."

A/N: Pleakley's fun to write. I think he's one of my favorites. :D

Also, I hope the interview wasn't boring. It was hard to keep it interesting. Keep reading, I'll get to the real plot eventually. I just can't resist writing all the "everything is different lolz."


	4. Come Out and Say It

_About five in the evening_

_Outside the Membrane/Putchel house_

Jumba and Pleakley filled Lilo in on everything that happened with Dib, and so Lilo decided to return to his house for damage control. She persuaded Stitch to stay home without much difficulty, since her pretext for going to Dib's house was to help unpack. Stitch behaved much better than he used to, but he still got bored easily, and Lilo didn't want him to make a mess or chew on left shoes. She didn't want to unpack either, but she remembered the advice Nani had given her when she was little: if you want friends, you have to _be _a good friend.

A few seconds after Lilo rang the doorbell, she glimpsed Dib's face in the window. Then he opened the door, looking rather surprised.

"Hey Lilo. What are you doing here?"

Lilo smiled, and now that there were no aliens around to distract Dib, he noticed how pretty she was, with her dark almond shaped eyes and sleek hair.

"I thought you guys could use some help unpacking," said Lilo.

Dib frowned a little in bemusement and, yes, suspicion. Lilo must have an ulterior motive. Still, she was a nice-looking human girl, not some bug-eyed freak from another world.

"Um, I guess we could use some help, but we're not really in any hurry." He glanced over his shoulder at Gaz, who was sprawled on the couch with her feet on a cardboard box. She raised her eyebrow at them and went back to watching TV.

"So," said Dib, "where's your sidekick?"

"You mean Stitch? He's at home. He needs some downtime. So I thought I'd come over here and see what you were doing." She clasped her hands behind her back and scuffed her toe on the walkway.

"Oh, just watching TV," said Dib. This was only half true. Gaz was watching TV; Dib had been searching for his new spy camera - which, it must be said, he was secretly glad to have an excuse to use, since he'd never gotten a chance to use it in Zim's base.

"Do you want to come in and watch with us?"

"Sure!" Beaming, Lilo stepped over the threshold.

Gaz turned her head toward Lilo, one eye slit open to reveal a light brown iris. "Okay, you are way too happy to be here."

Lilo's grin faltered.

"Hm. Better." Gaz focused on the screen again.

"What are you watching?" asked Lilo.

"The Planet's Most Terrifying Spiders. If you're gonna watch, _shut up_."

Lilo raised her eyebrows. "O-kay. Somebody got off the wrong side of the plane," she murmured.

"Gaz, don't." Dib couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth, but he forged on regardless. "You don't know Lilo, and…You shouldn't talk to her that way."

Both of Gaz's eyes were open with a glare so heated that he felt it singe his face. Yet he gazed defiantly at her.

"It would be _really_ embarrassing if I beat you up in front of your girlfriend, Dib. So I won't do that to you. I'll just tell her how you're planning to sneak into her aunt-slash-uncle's spaceship."

The heat leeched out of Dib's face.

"_What_?" Lilo's eyes grew wide.

"Oh, you didn't think I was paying attention, did you?" Gaz bared her teeth in a grin that made her even more frightening. "I _tried _not to, but I couldn't block it all out."

Dib's eyes darted from Gaz to Lilo. "Look, Lilo, I can explain."

"You know about the spaceship, Gaz?" asked Lilo with an intent stare.

Gaz frowned. "Yeah, so?"

Lilo turned to Dib. "How much did you tell her?"

"Um…" He scratched his head. "I don't exactly remember. I always tell her as much as I can get away with." Dib didn't have to explain what he meant by _that_.

Lilo sighed. "Okay. How about your dad?"

"I didn't tell him anything," he said truthfully. "I've given up talking to him about these kinds of things."

"So you only told Gaz?"

He started to nod, but then he shook his head. "Wait, I told some of the Swollen Eyeball agents about the aliens."

Lilo put her hand to her forehead. "You told the _what_?"

"It's a paranormal studies network. No one outside our circle takes us seriously, though." Not many _inside_ their circle took Dib seriously, for that matter, but he didn't have to degrade himself that much in front of Lilo now did he?

"Right." Lilo ran curled fingers through her black hair. "I'm just gonna have to come out and say this. Jumba, Pleakley, Stitch, all of Stitch's cousins…they're all my ohana. I want all of them to live peacefully here, without anyone being afraid of them or bothering them."

Dib stood in conflicted silence.

"What's ohana?" asked Gaz.

"It's on the list of fifty Hawaiian words everyone should know." Lilo slid two folded sheets of paper out of her purse and gave them to Dib and Gaz. "Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind, or forgotten."

There was a thoughtful pause.

"Do you understand, Dib? I don't want my family to be treated like - like evil monsters just because they're different."

Dib felt an ache in his chest. Man, how did Lilo do that? "Okay. I won't bother your freaky alien family."

"And you won't tell anyone about them?"

He sighed, shutting his eyes. "No. I won't."

"Mahalo, Dib." She put her hand on his shoulder. "And I promise, if one of Stitch's cousins does something wrong, I will handle it. And if Jumba tries anything, Nani will deal with him. Trust me."

The corners of Dib's mouth pulled up. "I'd like to meet her."

"I think I missed the spider eating the squirrel!" exclaimed Gaz, making Dib and Lilo jump. "Damn you, Dib."

"Watch your language around Lilo!" said Dib.

Rather than angry, Gaz looked puzzled. "Isn't she older than I am?"

"I'm thirteen," said Lilo. "It's nothing I haven't heard before, but Nani and Pleakley don't want me to say it."

"Whatever." Gaz folded her arms over her chest. "It's a word."

Lilo shrugged, having nothing to say to that. "So, Dib, you haven't told me that much about that Zim guy. What did he do, exactly?"

Dib glanced sidelong at his sister. "Let's talk about it in the kitchen, so we won't bother Gaz."

"Finally," muttered Gaz.

_Around 6:30 pm_

Dib told Lilo everything that happened since Zim had shown up in his class - at least, to the best of Dib's knowledge. It seemed to Lilo that he kept going off on tangents, and then he would leave the tangents to follow rabbit trails. A few of the anecdotes were illogical even to Lilo, who already believed in aliens, yetis and vampires. She understood those things, sure. But bologna DNA? Bologna didn't have DNA - except for pig DNA.

Even though his story was a little hard to follow, Lilo got the gist of what happened between him and Zim.

"So, Zim's mission was to prepare Earth for conquest, but he ended up spending most of his time just trying to get rid of you," she summarized, resting her arms on the table.

"Well…Yeah," said Dib, pacing the kitchen floor. He couldn't hold still for long when he talked. "I was his biggest threat. His only threat, really, except for when he messed up his plans on his own with some stupid mistake."

Lilo cocked her head in thought. "Wouldn't it have saved him a lot of trouble to move someplace you couldn't easily get to? Then he could take over the world without you interfering."

Dib stopped and faced her with wide toffee-colored eyes. "I never thought of that! I guess Zim didn't either. Maybe he was too proud, like he didn't want to look like he was retreating."

"But, you said he did retreat two weeks ago," said Lilo with a puzzled frown.

Dib paced again, his jacket flapping behind him (Lilo didn't understand why he was so stubborn about keeping it on in the heat). "He did. I weakened him, but it's still not like him to give up that easily." He put his palm to his forehead. "Oh, man! What if he's just recuperating on his space station or something, and when I least expect it he'll swoop down and - and - do _something! _Something bad!"

Lilo stood and walked over to him. "You can't worry about that, Dib. We'll just keep watching the world news for anything really strange."

"All right." He let out a ragged sigh. "When he comes back, we'll be ready."

"He might not come back," Lilo pointed out. "Maybe he went to his home world and decided to stay there."

Before he could reply, the doorbell rang. Dib and Lilo poked their heads out of the kitchen to watch Gaz answer the door.

"Hi, I'm Nani, Lilo's sister. Is she here?"

Lilo strolled into the living room. "Hey Nani. Dib and Gaz know about the aliens. They're cool with it."

"Good." Nani sighed. "I just found out about all of this fifteen minutes ago. I'm always the last to know everything."

"Do you want to come in?" Dib asked abruptly, with a dazzled expression.

"Okay, thanks. I can't stay long, though." She walked inside and twisted her face up as she glanced around at the scattered boxes, some of which were opened with their contents littering the floor. "Lilo, Pleakley told me you were helping them unpack." Nani was all about chores.

Lilo gave her an ingratiating smile. "I offered, but Dib said they weren't in any hurry."

"Well, okay." Nani picked up a silver dogcatcher's stick, holding it at arm's length. "What is this?"

"Hey!" Lilo grinned. "That's for catching werewolves, right?"

Dib smiled at Lilo, his eyes shining with delight. "Yeah! Only I never got a chance to use it. I've never actually seen a werewolf. I think it's because there were so many vampires where I used to live."

"I know where they are!" said Lilo. "They have a convention in Honolulu every year. Only, they call it an executives' convention to hide it."

"Ugh, this is _just_ what I need right now," griped Gaz, turning up the volume on the TV.

"Really?" asked Dib, disregarding Gaz. "How do you know?"

"It's always on a full moon, and there are always reports of small pets getting killed during every convention. And I know that Nani's old boss is a werewolf, and he goes to the convention every year!"

Nani put her hand on Lilo's arm. "Lilo, I'm glad you found someone else who wants to hunt werewolves, but it's time for us to go eat dinner. Pleakley's waiting for us." Nani took a step toward the door, and then paused, turning to Dib and Gaz. "Do you guys want to join us? I guess you probably don't have any groceries yet."

Dib tilted his head. "Did one of the aliens make dinner?"

Nani smiled. "Believe it or not, Pleakley's a better cook than I am."

_Sevenish_

_Pelekai household_

Dinner at the Pelekais' went as well as could be expected, considering neither Dib nor Gaz had any experience as guests and weren't sure how to behave - especially Gaz, who pretty much didn't care. It turned out that it was rude to reach across the table and grab the salt. Dib put that at the bottom of the list of things he'd learned that day.

Pleakley started to lose patience with Dib and Gaz by the end of the meal, but the others didn't seem to mind their lack of etiquette, and Stitch wasn't Mr. Manners himself - he even picked his nose with his tongue.

Gaz left as soon as dinner was over; she was irked that Nani had insisted on eating with the TV off. Dib wasn't as eager to go home, but couldn't think of an excuse to stay.

"Do you wanna see my room?" asked Lilo. "We made it from spare ship parts."

That worked. "Would I!" said Dib.

"Oh no you don't." Pleakley waved his arms in front of him. "You're not taking a boy in your room!"

"Why not?" asked Dib, narrowing his eyes. "Are you hiding an evil alien experiment in there?"

"Not lately," said Lilo. "Even if we were, I thought you were cool with that."

"Oh yeah. Sorry, force of habit."

Stitch stretched to his full height (which wasn't much) and peered at Pleakley. "It's Stitch's room, too…" he said. "Why can't Dib go?"

Pleakley folded his arms. "You're not mature enough to understand human teenage hormones. He can't go and that's final."

"Lighten up, Pleakley," said Nani. "They just met. I'm sure Lilo won't try anything with him."

"I trust Lilo. I don't trust _him_."

Dib's face flushed with heat. This was even more awkward than he'd expected. "Um, I should get going."

Lilo broke off the mortified glare she was shooting at Pleakley. "Okay. Do you still wanna visit more of the cousins with me and Stitch tomorrow? Unless Pleakley thinks I need a chaperone all of a sudden." She rolled her eyes.

Pleakley narrowed his eye. "Maybe you do."

What was up with him? Pleakley wasn't even Lilo's real uncle or aunt or anything. How much did he know about human dating anyway? Dib shook his head. He didn't want to know the answer.

"You could ask Mertle to go with you," said Nani. "You hardly ever do anything fun with her. I know she's not Victoria, but she's not as bad as she used to be."

Lilo felt a twinge of regret. Victoria had moved away a few years ago, and though they still kept in touch through email, she wished she could see her in person.

"All Mertle ever wants to do is shop and get manicures." She smiled as an idea came to her. "Hey, she could go to the airport with us and help pick out some shorts and t-shirts for you, Dib."

"Cousins!" added Stitch.

"Yeah, there's a few cousins there."

Dib frowned. "I didn't see any experiments at the airport."

Lilo put her hand on his shoulder and grinned. "You have to know where to look."

"Hey, no touching!" said Pleakley.

_On an island in the sun  
We'll be playing and having fun  
And it makes me feel so fine I can't control my brain_  
-Weezer, "Island In the Sun"

I _was the turkey ALL ALONG!_  
-GIR


	5. Shoplift Till You Drop

A/N: Man, this story is a lot longer than I originally planned. Now that we've established that Dib and Lilo are friends, we can finally start the real plot.

_I enjoy stealing, it's just as simple as that  
Well, it's just a simple fact  
When I want something, I don't want to pay for it  
I walk right through the door  
Walk right through the door  
-_Jane's Addiction, "Been Caught Stealing"

**2/25/03**

_2:00 pm_

_Kaua'i Airport_

Reuben waddled around the terminal, poking his head in different shops. He'd gotten some time off from his service in the Federation Military, and he was eager to visit the Pelekais and his cousins…Well, the ones capable of speech, at least. Especially Bonnie.

Pleakley had told him Lilo and Stitch were shopping at the airport with friends, but he couldn't say which store. Reuben thought that Nani should let Lilo get a mobile phone. It wasn't so bad to just wander around the old place, though. The airport had a quaint, homey charm, not to mention Joe's Subs.

Reuben's vision was sharper than he let on, so it wasn't too long before he spotted something bright blue in a little sunglasses store. It was Stitch in his Kenny disguise: bleach blond wig and orange shirt and shorts. Lilo was next to him in her red sun dress. Reuben strolled over to them, munching on his turkey sub. They were turning the racks of sunglasses and didn't notice him until he said:

"Hey, how's it goin'?"

Lilo and Stitch spun, startled. "Reuben!" Her round face broke into a grin.

"Cousin!" said Stitch.

"I didn't know you were coming here. What happened?" She raised her eyebrows. "You didn't get discharged or something, did you?"

Reuben waved his stubby hand. "Nah, I'm on leave. Thought I'd surprise you guys."

"Well, it worked. Hey, there's someone I want you to meet. He's over at Steve and Jerry's with Mertle."

"Okay. Any news about Bonnie?"

"Bonnie's out," said Stitch. "Good behavior. Clyde too," he added, giving Reuben a significant look.

Reuben snorted. "Clyde." He tore into the end of his sub.

Lilo put her hand on Reuben's shoulder. "Reuben, Bonnie is pretty attached to Clyde."

"Eh, she only likes him for his bionic arm. I don't need a bionic arm to…" Reuben trailed off as he noticed someone staring at him. He saw Mertle standing in front of a clothes rack, but it was the boy next to her that drew his attention. The boy was _staring_ at Reuben with these huge, intense eyes. Everything about his stare and stance reminded Reuben of a watchdog. He seemed to be saying, "One false move and I'm taking you down!"

Reuben dropped his sandwich and held up his hands to show that he wasn't armed.

"Reuben, this is Dib, my new neighbor. Dib, Reuben."

"Uh, nice to meetcha," said Reuben, with an ingratiating smile.

"What do you do?" asked Dib.

"Do? I…"

"That one just makes sandwiches," said Mertle with a snort.

"Yep, that's all I do." Reuben shrugged.

"That's not all you do, Reuben," Lilo chided him. She turned to Mertle and Dib, adding, "He can do anything Stitch can do." There was pride in Lilo's voice. She was proud of Reuben? What a sweetheart.

"Yeah, well, I don't like to advertise that. People might ask me to work and stuff."

Dib let down his guard somewhat, relaxing his shoulders. "How come you can talk and some of the others can't?"

Reuben blinked. "The others?" He glanced at Lilo. "You told him about us?"

"I kind of had to. Dib, it goes back to them having different abilities. They can all understand English, but most of them don't have the right vocal chords to speak it. At least, that's what Jumba told me. So, Reuben, what have you been up to?"

"Ah, where do I begin?" He tapped his chin. "Do those two know about 099?"

"099?" asked Mertle. "Which one is that?"

"There's no way you'd ever forget which one's 099 if you knew."

"Why?" asked Dib.

"Um, I better tell you later," said Lilo. "Somewhere less public."

"If your sister let you get a cellphone, you could text it to me," said Mertle with an annoyed frown.

"There's nothing I can do about that now. You'll just have to wait."

Mertle sniffed. "Fine. Well, sandwich boy, if you're as strong as Stitch, help me carry these bags." She shoved all of her bags at Reuben before he could object. "I don't even know how I ended up with four. Whose is this one?"

"I think that's Gaz's," said Dib.

"Hnh. Where'd she go off to?"

_Just after two_

As Gaz stepped out of Obsessive Gamer World, a rare smile spread across her face. The cashier had forgotten to charge her for her memory card.

"Score!" she said softly. Then she frowned. _What am I doing? I don't want to start talking to myself like Dib._

"Ah, I love ta see a little tief in trainin'. It warms my cheatin' heart."

Gaz felt a jolt in her chest, but her face was a stoic mask as she turned to the source of the voice. It looked something like Lilo's pet Stick or whatever his name was. It was much more feminine though, with daintier features. She wore a wide-brimmed hat and a plain t-shirt and skirt. The thing had a friendly yet shrewd expression.

Gaz held her bag close to her chest. "I'm no thief."

The experiment smirked. "Ya wouldn't be so happy if ya paid full price. Am I right or am I right?"

Gaz sneered, "It's none of your business."

"Ya right, it's none a' my bidness." She shrugged. "It used ta be, though. Before I turned good," she said with a wistful sigh.

Gaz couldn't help being intrigued. She also couldn't help wondering why an alien had a heavy Brooklyn accent. It was like she'd popped out of a Warner Brothers cartoon.

"What did you steal?" asked Gaz.

"Everytin' we could get our mitts on!" she said with a cheerful vampiric smile.

"Who did you steal from?"

"What difference does that make?"

It made all the difference in the world to Gaz, who knew what it was like to lose things to theft.

"Did you steal from stores or people?"

"Both. Shopliftin' ain't as risky as burglary, but if ya burgle a rich guy's house ya get more loot."

"Bonnie! Bonnie!"

The experiment's eyes grew round. "Uh-oh."

Gaz saw another experiment, this one beefy and about her height, wearing a long-sleeve shirt that almost covered his metal hand. Five security guards were hot on his tracks.

Bonnie scrambled up one of the scraggly trees and hid in the leaves.

"O-okay, Bonnie, save yaself," the cyborg said in a broken voice. He darted between Gaz and the tree. As the guards ran past, Bonnie jumped out of the tree, landing on one of the guards' shoulders and banging his head against another guard's. They both cried out and fell to the ground. Bonnie shot off in the direction the cyborg had come from.

The guards stopped, and one of them said, "You follow the bigger one, we'll take that one." He spoke into his radio as he took off. "We need backup in Section B."

Gaz whipped her head back and forth at the groups sprinting away. She wanted to see how this ended, but which one should she follow? After a moment's hesitation, she ran toward Bonnie. Logically, Gaz should've been out of shape from playing videogames and eating pizza all day, but she had a way of catching up to people whether they wanted her to or not. As she came up behind the guards, one of them grabbed Bonnie's arm and pushed her to the ground.

"Wait!" yelled Gaz, on a whim. "That's my little sister!"

The two guards and Bonnie stared at Gaz.

Bonnie proved to be quick on the uptake. "Yeah, yeah! I'm just a little girl!"

The guards scowled at her. "You took out two guards!" said one of them.

"I was just playin'! That's what us kids do, ya know."

Gaz nodded. "She _accidentally_ fell out of the tree. That's all."

The guard pulled Bonnie to her feet. "Well, climbing the trees is against the rules. I'll have to escort you two out of the building." He nodded to his comrade. "Go help Smitty with the perp."


	6. On the Run

_Say after me  
It's no better to be safe than sorry  
_-a-ha, "Take On Me"

_My plan all along was to…steal this camera! So you wouldn't show these pictures, ha!  
_-Zim

_2:10 pm_

_Inside the Kaua'i Airport_

"…Yin and Yang had a baby too. She's really cute," said Lilo, pulling Stitch away from a cellphone kiosk as they walked through the airport.

"Uh-huh," grunted Reuben from behind the shopping bags he was carrying.

"But not as cute as Gigi," added Mertle.

Lilo rolled her eyes. Mertle always made everything about herself and her "dog."

"Gigi's not cute, she has a mustache for Pete's sake," said Reuben with a snort.

Stitch chortled.

Mertle straightened her back and clenched her fists. "At least she looks _normal_."

"You emphasized the wrong word, kid. She _looks_ normal."

Lilo and Stitch laughed at this. Dib chuckled too, although he didn't fully understand what made it funny.

"What, are you saying Mertle's dog isn't normal?" asked Dib.

"Oh, didn't they tell you? I bet Mertle doesn't want ya to know."

"Know what?"

"Well - Stop lookin' at me like that, Mertle. Nosy woulda told him sooner or later. Anyhow, Gigi is actually experiment 007."

"Wow." Dib glanced at Mertle. "Did it look like that when you got it, or is it disguised really well?"

"Gigi's a _she_, and of course she looked like that when I got her!" snapped Mertle.

Further conversation was interrupted when one of the cousins dashed out of the tourist group in front of them. It was Clyde. He gasped when he saw them and dove back into the crowd.

"Well, if it isn't tall, dark and ugly!" called Reuben.

"Is that really any better than short, fat and ugly?" prodded Mertle, folding her arms.

"All right, that does it." Reuben dropped the shopping bags. "You can carry your own bags from now on, you redheaded snippet!"

Mertle blinked. "Redheaded what?"

Lilo, Stitch and Dib were more focused on Clyde than petty bickering.

"Wait, Clyde!"

"Come back, cousin!"

"What's he doing?"

The three of them ran into the throng, but they couldn't see the experiment with all the adults blocking their view.

"Clyde!" shouted Lilo. "It's okay! We're all friends here."

"Hey Lilo," said a smooth voice.

"Oh, Keoni." Lilo leaned around a tall man to glimpse Keoni's face. "How's your dad?" It just slipped out. She always asked how his dad was, ever since she'd found out.

A slight frown troubled Keoni's placid face. "He's fine. Hey, are you lookin' for a short, hairy guy?"

"No, I'm not looking for your dad right now."

"Ouch," muttered Dib behind her.

The older teen forced a laugh. "You have a really unique sense of humor, Lilo. I bet you get it from your wacky Uncle Jared, huh?"

"Yeah, you keep thinking that. But, seriously, where did the hairy guy go?"

"He went that way." Keoni pointed in front of them, toward the food court. "Though I don't see him now," he added, unconcerned.

"What?" asked an older tourist. "You want us to go that way?"

"No, the hotel's this way." The redhead pointed more emphatically toward the hall that branched off to the right. "Follow me." He waved at Lilo. "See you around, Lilo. You too, Kenny."

"Aloha," said Stitch.

"Um…What was that all about?" asked Dib.

"Well," said Lilo in a hushed tone, "that guy's dad is a werewolf."

Dib whipped his head back toward Keoni. "No way!" he said, more excited than incredulous.

"Way. You know my sister's old boss? It's the same guy."

"Lilo!" yelled Stitch, several feet in front of them now. "Look!"

The kids stared where Stitch pointed and saw a security guard lying on his back. A few shoppers stood around him.

"Oh my gosh!" said Lilo, running over to the guard.

"It's okay, he's alive," said a man. "I already called 911."

Stitch pointed out the red finger-sized marks on the guard's neck. Lilo's chest tightened. She set her jaw and stood up straight.

"We have to find Clyde."

"And Bonnie," said Stitch.

_2:11 pm_

The security guard escorted Bonnie and Gaz out of the airport; then he ran back inside.

"Tanks, sis," said Bonnie. "Ya got what it takes."

"To be a criminal?" asked Gaz, frowning as she realized she'd helped a thief escape from the law. Yeah, maybe she should've thought that one through.

"Sure, ya're on ya way, kid. C'mon, let's see if my partna made it out yet. He should be able ta take down one guad."

Bonnie scurried toward the other end of the airport.

"Hey, wait!" said Gaz. "You owe me for helping you back there!"

"I'll make it up to ya later, kid!"

"You better, or I'll _make_ you pay!" Then Gaz ran after Bonnie, consoling herself with the thought that if she got arrested, at least it would be for a less stupid reason than Dib. Halfway around the building, they heard heavy footsteps.

"Bonnie! Look out behind you!"

They both stopped and whipped around. The cyborg barreled toward them.

"It's all right, Clyde. This is just our accomplice." She waved her pale green arm at Gaz, who held up her hands in a defensive posture that she was unused to.

"I didn't commit to anything." She lowered her hands. "But you're interesting, Bonnie. Most people are boring."

"Tanks, but we ain't got time for chitchat. Let's make like a tree!"

"Don't youse wanna know what I took?" asked Clyde.

"Y-" began Gaz.

"Tell us on the run," said Bonnie, sprinting toward the street.

"'Kay." Clyde ran in step with her. "Watches 'n' jewelry."

Bonnie growled. "How many times I gotta tell ya, you can't steal anyting worth more'n fifty bucks now!"

"Sorry. I couldn't help myself."

Gaz chewed her lip. Bonnie did owe her, but their only valuable things were stolen. Was it really worth the trouble? Was it too late to back out? Crap.

On the other hand, she was Gaz. She practically got away with murder. A little theft would be a piece of cake for her.

Right?

A siren wailed in the distance, sending Bonnie into a panic. "We gotta hide! We gotta- we gotta get these bracelets off!"

Gaz glanced down and noticed for the first time that Bonnie and Clyde had electronic anklets.

"I think I can help you with those, if my stupid brother doesn't get in the way. Follow me."

They hurried through town, the sirens growing louder. Gaz turned up the road to her house and trotted a few paces until she realized the footsteps behind her had stopped. She turned to the aliens, meeting their round, wide eyes.

"It's a trick!" said Bonnie. "Ya turnin' us in ta Lilo 'n' Stitch!"

"No," said Gaz. "I'm taking you to my place. I live next door."

"Yeah, right. I know when I've been had."

Gaz dug her nails into her palms. "If you're going to make it difficult for me to help you, you're on your own." She spun and raced up the hill. The sirens came closer, and as Gaz expected, she heard Bonnie's voice behind her.

"Okay, kid, let's just see if ya have a house next ta Lilo 'n' Stitch's."

_2:20 pm_

"Sorry I doubted ya, kid," said Bonnie, eyeing Dib's werewolf catcher.

"Yeah, yeah." Gaz headed toward the basement door, flicked on the lights, and trotted down the stairs. The lab equipment was organized and ready for use, quite unlike the house level. _When did I start thinking of it as the house level? Stupid Zim._

"Hey, ya live with a mad scientist. We have more in common then I tought. Ya got a name, kid?"

Gaz gave the name she used for most of her games. "Striker."

"Ooo, I like it, it's tough. It'd make a good experiment name, too."

"Ya know, Bonnie, I don't tink dat's her real name."

"I know that, ya idiot, but she don't know our birth names either. I don't tink," added Bonnie.

"I don't," Gaz said absently, searching for something to cut the anklets.

"I wish my arm could still drill trough metal, but Jumba messed up the wires," said Clyde. Gaz tilted her head toward him. He lifted his left arm and regarded it with sorrowful button eyes.

"Now it's a normal arm, only metal," he added. Bonnie held his organic arm and patted it.

"Figures." Gaz turned her back to the experiments and continued the hunt.

"Whoa, hello. That's a laser." Bonnie scrambled over to a mechanical arm mounted above a short workbench. "It's primitive, but it's the real deal, not the DVD playa kind."

She fiddled with the buttons. A beam of light shot out and hit her arm.

"AAAHH! Oh, it's just - ha ha! It's just a sightin' light!" She let out a high-pitched, relieved laugh.

Then she composed herself and asked, "Strika can ya help me with this, if ya'd be so kind?"

Gaz had never seen this particular laser, but when it came to figuring out how things worked, she had no equal on Earth. She tested the laser on the plastic casing of her memory card, slicing it with precision. By this time the sirens sounded close enough to be on their street.

"Enough testin', get us outta these!" hissed Bonnie. She leapt onto the workbench and held out her foot. Gaz fired up the laser.

"Hey, there's smoke!"

"Hold still!"

"What's that smell?"

Bonnie wrinkled her nose. "Burnt fur. Oh well, at least I'm free a' this," she said, holding up the broken bracelet. "Ya next, Clyde."

The cyborg hopped on the bench, and in seconds his anklet was off.

"We need to put these on a dog," said Gaz.

"Good tinkin', kid. Ya got a dog?" Bonnie glanced around.

"Not anymore."

"Do ya know where we can find one?"

Gaz gritted her teeth. "No."

"Then why'd ya bring it up?"

"I saw it in a movie, okay!"

They heard pounding on the door.

"Police!" yelled a voice from outside.

The trio flew up the stairs.

"Out the side door, quick!" said Gaz. She led the aliens through the kitchen, ducking below the curtainless windows and using the boxes for cover.

"Police! Open up!"

The three outlaws slipped out the side door and dashed toward the jungle or forest or whatever they called gatherings of trees here. They fought through the scratchy green undergrowth until it started to thin. Pausing, Gaz peered through the trees at a building.

"Hey," said Clyde. "That's Lilo 'n' Stitch's house."

Gaz got an idea. "Give me your bracelets." They handed them to her, and she ran out into the yard and flung them onto the porch steps. Then she fled back into the strip of woods, unsure of what she was getting herself into.


	7. Out of the Frying Pan

_I'll tell you once more  
Before I get off the floor  
Don't bring me down  
_-ELO, "Don't Bring Me Down"

_2:40 pm_

_Kaua'i wilderness_

"Now what?" asked Clyde as he blundered through the forest.

"We'll hafta find a cave or someting," said Bonnie, pushing a branch aside.

"What if we can't find a cave?"

"Then we'll sleep under the stars. It'll only be for a few days. I figure we lay low out here till everyone calms down a bit, then we go back and steal Jumba's ship."

Gaz swatted a mosquito. "I'm pretty sure it can't fly."

"We'll get someone ta fix it."

Clyde shook his head. "But Bonnie, not even Jumba can fix it."

"Just 'cause he's a _kitwalam'k _doesn't mean he's the greatest mechanical expert."

Before Gaz could ask what the alien word meant, Bonnie added, "Strika, you know a mad scientist..."

Gaz froze. "No. Not him."

Bonnie shrugged. "Oh, I undastand ya don't wanna involve him, but we gotta find _someone_ who can get the ship ta fly."

"No," repeated Gaz. "I don't have to do anything for you. You still owe me for the help I've already given!" She was about to order Clyde to show his loot when she felt something tug on her dress.

"Don't touch me!" she growled. Lowering her head, she saw that it was not a hand but a vine that had somehow snagged her dress. She tugged it free and felt a pain like a knife stabbing her leg. Her eyes flew open, and she screamed. It was another vine with a head like a purple Venus flytrap. And it was attached to her calf. She grabbed the vine, yanked it off, and stomped on it like she would stomp on a roach. A quarter-sized red circle stained her tights.

"What the kef are these things?!" yelled Bonnie, and Gaz glanced up to see vines biting the two aliens. "I hate this planet!"

"These aren't normal for this planet," said Gaz, grunting as one bit her other leg. "I don't know where they're from." She saw them all around, slithering through the harmless undergrowth like snakes. But they were worse than snakes, because snakes at least tried to avoid people. Gaz whirled around wildly, spotted an opening and ran for it. She sprinted ten feet before a vine grabbed her leg and pulled like a twenty-man tug-of-war team. Gaz flailed her arms and fell in an undignified motion. Another vine chomped her other leg, and still another tore into her arm.

"You've got be kidding me." No sooner had she wrenched the vine out of her flesh when another bit her wrist - and then one flew straight at her eye. She screamed and scrunched her eyes shut, and the plant slashed at its target. Tears squeezed out of her eyelids as she brought her free hand to her eye. Then something grabbed her and lifted her up, and the plants tore away from her skin at once. She opened both eyes in shock as Clyde slung her over his shoulder. Bonnie sat on his other shoulder.

"Run for it, Clyde!" shouted the experiment.

"Dere's too many of 'em!" said Clyde. He looked up at a big tree and started climbing, pulling free of the vines on his legs.

"Clyde, we'll be trapped!" said Bonnie.

"Yeah, but dey're gonna eat us! 'Specially Strika."

"How does my eye look?" Gaz asked Bonnie.

"Can't tell, there's too much blood. Ya skin ain't as tough as ours."

Gaz groaned. "If that plant blinded my eye, I will send it to a horrible nightmare world," she vowed.

"...Yeah," said Bonnie, lifting her eyebrow. Gaz noticed that although the aliens' clothes were ripped, neither of them had a scratch on their bodies.

"Anyway," continued Bonnie, "we'll hafta wait for the plants ta settle down, and then we'll drop down and run for it."

Gaz stared at the plants, which had stopped climbing twenty feet up the trunk, snapping their purple "mouths."

"I'd rather be in prison."

"Ha!" Bonnie crawled onto a branch and swing her tiny legs. "You don't know what ya sayin', kid. But I completely agree."

_Three o'clock_

_Membrane/Putchel house_

Dib didn't notice anything out of place in the livingroom, but it had been a disaster zone to begin with, so it was hard to tell. "Are you sure they were here?"

"That's what the police report says," replied Cobra. "I checked the entrances. There's no sign of damage. It's almost as if someone let them in."

"Don't look at me, I was at the mall with these guys." Dib swept his hand toward Lilo, Stitch, Mertle and Reuben.

"What about Gaz?" asked Lilo. "It's been a while since we've seen her. Could she have come home early?"

"Maybe. Or..." Dib's heart lurched as an awful thought occurred to him. What if the two aliens had abducted Gaz? Then he shook his head. No, that was stupid. Gaz was the last person whose safety he needed to worry about. She was far from a helpless little girl, and he had scars to prove it.

"If she came home early, where could she be now?" asked Cobra.

"I'll call her and find out."

_3:02 pm_

After gingerly dabbing her eye with her sleeves, Gaz found that she could see, but it hurt like hell, especially when she blinked.

She glowered at the writhing vines below. "I'm still not letting you live," she grunted.

"Who?" asked Clyde.

"The plants," said Gaz.

"Uh, Strika, I don't tink dey have eahs." He leaned toward Bonnie and stage whispered, "Dis girl's crazy."

"Do you have a death wish?" snapped Gaz.

"Uh...ya talkin' to da plants or..."

Gaz whipped her head to face him, glaring through a red haze of hatred, pain and blood. "YOU, MORON!"

Clyde shrank back against the tree trunk, in spite of his heavier weight and metal arm that made a good weapon even without the drill.

"Gaz?" It was Dib's voice. Of course. Maybe he was good for something after all. She thought quickly.

"Are you still with Lilo and that other girl?" asked Gaz, lifting her wrist to her face.

"Yeah, and we're - hey, are you bleeding?"

Gaz lowered her voice. "Never mind that now. I need to talk to you in private."

Dib frowned. "What is this? Where are you?"

"I can't tell you right now. It's...personal. Go somewhere by yourself and call me back."

_3:05 pm_

"That was pretty suspicious," said Dib, blinking at the screen on his watch.

"May I see your communication device?" asked Cobra. "I might be able to trace her signal."

Dib slipped it off and handed it to the CIA agent. Cobra fumbled for a minute with his thick fingers.

"Stitch try?" asked Stitch, reaching up with his claws. Cobra hesitated for an instant, then placed the watch in the experiment's hands. Stitch poked at it, sticking his tongue out in concentration. Then his ears pricked straight up.

"Found Gaz! She-" His ears drooped.

"What, did ya lose her?" asked Reuben in a bored tone.

"Naga." Stitch's eyes were large and dark. "Gaz in woods."

Lilo gasped.

"She's a goner," said Mertle.

Cobra shook his head. "This is not good."

"Why?" asked Dib, staring at all the dismayed faces. "What's so bad about the woods?"

Lilo and Cobra shared a look. Then Cobra turned his head, and though his eyes were hidden behind sunglasses, Dib could feel the man's eyes boring into him.

"The woods are infested with carnivorous vines," said Cobra.

Dib blinked. "Hawai'i has carnivorous vines?"

"Only Kaua'i, and we'd like to keep it that way."

"These ain't your garden variety Venus flytraps, either," added Reuben. "They're big suckers that grow twenty foot long, with teeth like razors."

Mertle nodded. "They killed a little girl last year."

"Killed a girl!?"

"You'll have plenty of time to share horror stories later," said Cobra. "Right now we need to make sure it doesn't happen again. Stitch, can you go get your hedge trimmer?"

Stitch stood up straight. "Ih!"

The agent nodded at Stitch's cousin. "Reuben, go with Stitch and find something to cut with."

"Me?" Reuben put his paws to his chest. "I'm a galley officer. It's a non-combat position."

Cobra opened his mouth, but Lilo spoke up, "Come on, Reuben, you're almost indestructible! We could really use your help." She gazed at him with melting brown eyes.

"Oh, all right. Count me in."

Dib wondered how Lilo did that. She was manipulative, but not in a negative way. She did it to help others, not for selfish reasons.

Stitch headed out for his house with Reuben on his heels. Lilo and Dib started to follow, but Cobra moved to block them.

"It would be unwise to go into the woods without protection."

Lilo nodded. "I know, I'll set Dib up." She grabbed Dib's hand (an action that surprised him) and darted around the big agent. Cobra raised an eyebrow at the two kids before turning to Mertle.

"I have to go home and feed my dog." She scurried out the door and headed for the safety of civilization.

A/N: Gaz = owned.


	8. Into the Woods

A/N: This fanfic has more alert subscribers than any of my other fics do. Not bad for a crossover. Sorry this chapter took so long.

_That's it! I got it! Elvis is trying to tell us to do a hula about a chicken!  
_-Lilo

_No he's not.  
_-Stitch_  
3:06 pm_

_Membrane Labs_

"I am sure your latest variety of toast is every bit as…interesting as the other twenty-three, but have you considered developing serum that can be absorbed directly into skin?" Jumba was beginning to understand why Dib seemed to dislike his father. The man was obsessed with crispy slices of bread to the point that he was reluctant to pursue other interests.

Membrane put his hand on his collar. "An intriguing concept. But how would it block nuclear radiation?"

"Do you not already have other materials for that?" asked Jumba, throwing his hands in the air.

"Yes, but _Super Toast _is the only radiation shield that's also biodegradable!"

Fortunately, Jumba's phone rang at that moment, rescuing him from the inane conversation.

It was Stitch.

"I need to take this call." He turned off the speaker and held it up to his ear.

"Hello."

"Bonnie - Clyde - robbed store."

Jumba sighed. "Again? They just got - never mind."

"Took Gaz - in woods."

Membrane's daughter? This day kept getting better.

"What! They were not programmed to do that!"

"Cobra help," said Stitch. "Jumba help too?"

"Ih. This time I dehydrate them."

Stitch gasped. "Naga!"

"They are too much trouble." Jumba shook his head, glancing at Membrane. "We will be discussing this later." He disconnected the call and faced the professor. "Family emergency."

The human tilted his head back. "What happened?"

"My, eh, niece and nephew are lost in woods.

"Ah. Well, I suppose you have to go look for them," sighed Membrane.

Jumba nodded, wondering how nonchalant Membrane would be if he knew his daughter was lost too. He preferred not to find out.

"Sorry. I make it up tomorrow." Grabbing his hat, Jumba headed out the door.

_3:08 pm_

_The Pelekais' toolshed_

Stitch frowned as Jumba ended the call. It was the first time Jumba had threatened to dehydrate any of his cousins. He sounded as serious as a heart attack, too.

Lilo was livid. "He can't do that! We have to find them first!"

Stitch nodded. He wouldn't wish that fate on any of his cousins…well, except maybe the Leroys. He picked up a machete in one hand and Dib's watch phone in the other. He'd reconfigured the screen to display Gaz's coordinates; she hadn't moved since he first located her.

Reuben held a pair of hedge clippers at the ready, a determined glint in his dark eyes. The two children shouldered their axes.

Lilo had changed out of her sundress and flip-flops and into hiking boots, long pants and a hoodie. An experiment pod was strapped to Lilo's back to complete her ensemble. It was cumbersome, but still the best way to catch Jumba's experiments, since there wasn't an easy way to incapacitate them with their thick skin.

Cobra had remained just outside Dib's house. Stitch guessed that the agent trusted them to catch the experiments and would step in if things got out of their control. That was his mode of operation, and it usually worked.

Motioning for the others to follow, Stitch set off for the woods at an easy jog (for him). As they entered the dense foliage, Stitch pricked his ears and looked all around. Soon he heard something sliding along the ground, and then the thunk of an axe hitting vegetation. He swiveled his head 180 degrees and saw Dib raising his axe with a triumphant expression, a severed vine at his feet.

"Um, Dib?" said Lilo.

"Yeah?"

"That was just a regular vine."

"Oh." Dib lowered his axe with a sheepish expression.

"Don't let down your guard yet, kid," said Reuben, pointing ahead. "Look!"

Stitch whipped his head the right way around and glimpsed purple in the undergrowth, and heard leaves rustling. A second later the carnivorous vines reared up in front of them. Stitch swung his machete, slicing off two of the deadly blossoms, but dozens more slithered toward him. Reuben, Lilo and Dib rushed forward brandishing their yard tools, and in less than a minute the vines were all pruned, whipping their severed ends harmlessly against the search party. Stitch knew that they would re-grow their heads in a few days, and would've liked to uproot them like weeds, but there wasn't time.

"Keep moving," he said, breaking into a jog again.

"The less time we spend in these woods, the less chance of us getting bitten," said Lilo. "You should put something on that, Dib," she added, pointing to the oozing bite on his hand.

"I got it." Dib pulled an adhesive medical strip from the first aid kit he'd brought. "You know, when you said the plants killed a girl, I expected them to be more threatening."

"Well, the girl was two. An armed human can take them, but you have to stay on guard."

Dib nodded. After a moment he asked, "So, what are we going to do with the experiments when we find them?"

She frowned in thought. "I don't know. We've tried everything: talking, bribing, sending them to prison…" Lilo sighed. "Nothing's worked so far."

"So we don't have a plan," he stated.

"Stitch has plan. Stitch will sneak behind - catch Bonnie and Clyde." He pointed over his shoulder at the clear pod strapped to his back.

"You only have one pod," said Lilo. "I'll take Bonnie, she's not as big or strong."

"That leaves us with Gaz," Dib said to Reuben. "It shouldn't be too hard to get her to come home…Unless she's badly hurt…"

_3:25 pm_

Gaz scowled at her watch. "He should have called back by now. How hard can it be to go off by himself?"

Clyde shrugged, and Gaz turned her sharp eyes to him.

"Let me see your loot," she said, "since we're stuck here with nothing else to do."

The cyborg reached into the pocket of his baggy work shirt and pulled out a handful of diamond rings and high quality watches.

Bonnie shook her head with a rueful smile on her mint green face. "Clyde, Clyde, Clyde. The most expensive Earth jewelry is chump change compared ta the riches of the galaxy."

"Dey're worth a lot _heah_," countered Clyde.

"Yeah," said Gaz, "those watches are worth at least fifteen grand each." She moved her hand to grab one, but Clyde jerked back reflexively. "Oh come on, I cut off your ankle bracelets! You owe me."

"Let her choose one, Clyde," said Bonnie with a gracious smile. "Where would we sell 'em anyway? We're fugitives, and even though no one knows we're aliens, we still stand out in a crowd."

Gaz selected a man's watch (because it was the biggest) and arched her eyebrow. "Oh really? They bought that you were my sister."

"Point," said Bonnie. "But I still wanna go where the real prizes are." She pointed up with a claw.

"I'm not going with you." Gaz folded her arms.

"Whaddaya gonna do?" asked Bonnie with a smirk.

"I'll tell the authorities you kidnapped me and I escaped," decided Gaz. "I'm just a little girl with no criminal record." She smirked in return. "As soon as we get down from the tree, you're on your own."

As if on cue, a small crash sounded in the foliage to Gaz's left, some fifty feet away. The toothy vines turned their flowers toward the noise - what, they could _hear_? They lowered themselves down the trunk and slithered off to the left.

Bonnie grinned. "C'mon, time ta make a break for it!"

The two experiments began to shimmy down the trunk. Gaz eased herself off her branch and onto the one directly below. At this point Bonnie and Clyde had already reached the ground.

It was a good thing for Gaz that she hesitated. No sooner had Bonnie and Clyde touched the ground when they were ambushed - not by vines, but by Dib's new friend and her pet alien. Lilo and Stitch sprang out from behind two trees, each holding what looked like glass display cases. They slammed the cases over Bonnie and Clyde, trapping them. Clyde threw his weight against the glass. His case tipped, but before he could escape, Stitch slammed a cap on the bottom. Then Stitch darted to Bonnie's case and lifted it just enough to put a cap on her only exit.

Gaz raised her eyebrows. They weren't going to try to stuff _her_ in one of those cases, were they? She'd like to see them try. They would curse the day she was born.

On the other hand, if she played well, they would see no reason to capture her.

"You guys are good," said Dib, walking out from behind another tree. He had leaves stuck in his hair, and Gaz imagined that she didn't look much better herself.

Lilo, however, was unruffled. She beamed, leading Gaz to wonder if she was always inappropriately happy. "We've had lots of practice."

Stitch looked straight up at Gaz. "Is safe to come down."

Gaz clambered down the trunk, thinking quickly about what story to give them, and hoping they would believe her.

"Are you all right, Gaz?" asked Dib.

"I'm still bleeding," she snapped. "Do you need your eyes checked?"

"Okay, okay." Dib reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a first aid kit (his coat had big pockets). "Do you want me to fix you up or-"

"Give me that," snapped Gaz, grabbing the kit.

Lilo frowned. "So, what were you doing with Bonnie and Clyde?"

Gaz concentrated on taping gauze over her eye.

"She was-" Bonnie began.

"They kidnapped me," Gaz cut her off.

Everyone (even Stitch) gave her a dubious stare.

"What?" She spread her hands. "They're mutants and I'm just a helpless little girl."

"You're a year younger than me," Lilo pointed out. "And Bonnie and Clyde aren't programmed for kidnapping."

"Yeah!" said Bonnie, her voice muffled through the glass. "Jokes on you, Strika!"

Dib raised his eyebrow. "Strika?"

Gaz scowled. How dare they disbelieve her! "What's the difference? Kidnapping is just stealing a person. You wouldn't believe hardened criminals over me." She turned to Dib. "Your own sister."

"Well..." Dib glanced away. "I'm sure Dad will believe you."

This gave Gaz pause. All she had to do was get her dad to buy her story, and everyone would believe him. Getting him to listen to her would be the hardest part.

"Maybe we should finish discussing this when we're out of the woods," said Lilo, pointing toward some rustling vines several yards away.

Gaz shrank away from the vines. "Do you know the way home?"

"Ih," said Stitch. "Come."

"Wait, what happened to Bonnie?" asked Lilo.

Gaz looked around. There was a depressed spot in the brush where Bonnie's case had been a moment earlier.

"And where's Rueben?" asked Dib. "Did he take Bonnie and go ahead without telling us? How did we miss that?"

Lilo shook her head. "I don't know, but I hope he just went to the house." She turned to Stitch. "If they're not at the house or barn, we'll have to go out and look for them."

Stitch nodded and picked up the case with Clyde as if the hefty cyborg weighed no more than a beach ball. The humans followed him through the foliage.

_3:40 pm_

Reuben carried Bonnie's container though the woods. She was so light and dainty that she weighed almost nothing to him.

"Can ya let me out now Reuben? I gotta go back for Clyde."

Reuben scowled. "What makes ya think I'd let ya out?"

"I was countin' on you still havin' a crush on me," said Bonnie with a shrug.

Reuben's face heated up. "Well, it just so happens that I was already plannin' to take ya to my ship so you can escape."

Bonnie blinked in surprise. "You would do that?"

"This planet ain't safe for you anymore. Jumba said he's gonna dehydrate you."

"_What? _He wouldn't!" Then she shook her head. "What am I sayin'? 'Course he would. And that jerk Stitch is gonna take Clyde right to him, ain't he?"

"Not, not if he can help it. But he and Lilo don't really have a plan."

"Do _you_ have a plan?"

"I just told ya my plan."

Bonnie smacked her forehead. "That's it? What about Clyde?"

"There's no time," repeated Reuben.

"_Yufik! _Ya not savin' him 'cause ya jealous!"

Reuben jumped over some purple-mouthed vines. "I'm not jealous of that big fluff brain! I just didn't have time to take both of ya, and ya always gotta save the girl!"

"Ya coulda freed us both right there!"

"I don't want anyone to know I freed you. I got a reputation now that I don't wanna ruin."

"You're too good for me, Reuben," Bonnie said dryly.

They were out of the woods then, but Reuben stopped short at the sight before him. Jumba stood right in front of him, a laser rifle in one purple hand and a net launcher in the other. Two experiment containers were strapped to his back.

"Ah, 625! Was not expecting you to visit until November. Good work capturing 350." He put his rifle in his holster and held out his hand. "Please to be handing her over."

A/N: I know you're thinking "needs more Dib!" (and Zim LOL). But at least Jumba is back. I'll try to write more of Dib in the next chapter, and I'm working on a way to bring Zim into the story without dragging it out too much. Maybe I'll just put him in an epilogue. I haven't quite figured it out yet.

I'm not sure exactly how the carnivorous vines function, since I'm not the one who invented them, but I guessed that they sensed their prey's vibrations. Mythbusters showed that real plants grow better when exposed to music, so it's at least as plausible as them moving as fast as a human.


	9. Out of the Woods

_Never again, is what you swore  
The time before_  
-Depeche Mode, "Policy of Truth"

_3:41 pm  
Edge of the Pelekai property_

Reuben stared up at Jumba, whose arm stretched toward him and his captive girl. He could see Lilo's house behind him. So close!

He tightened his hold on the capsule. "You can't have her."

"I know you are liking 350. But Lilo has been rehabilitating her for six years, and she is still not being good." Jumba shook his head.

"I'll be good!" Bonnie pressed her small green hands against the side of the capsule. "I swear!"

"Tch. You said that a hundred times, but you were not good today even when you knew people were watching."

"That was before I knew you were gonna dehydrate me and Clyde!"

Their creator narrowed all of his eyes. "Is too bad. You've had more than enough chances." He reached for the clear container, but Reuben dashed back into the woods.

Jumba reacted quickly, running after him and firing the net launcher. It wrapped around Reuben and Bonnie (as well as some twigs and leaves). Reuben couldn't snap it or chew through it.

Jumba hoisted the net over his shoulder and walked deeper into the woods.

_3:45 pm  
Kauai wilderness_

Stitch led the children back toward his house, glancing every which way and twitching his ears.

"Jumba!" he said, pointing in front of him.

"Where?" asked Dib. "I don't see him."

"If Stitch says he's there, he's there," said Lilo. "I'll go talk to him." She turned to the little blue alien. "You find somewhere to hide Clyde."

Dib frowned. "Are you going to think of a plan any time soon?"

"I'm trying!" She clenched her fists. "I'm doing the best I can! If you have any ideas I'm all ears."

Actually, Dib had thought of a plan, and it was a good one. But he wasn't sure if Lilo would like it, so he kept it to himself.

Lilo took off toward Jumba. "Jumba!" she shouted. "I know what you're trying to do!" As she came closer to him, she gasped and pointed. "Reuben too? That's just going _too far_!"

Jumba let out a low growl. "Lilo, I am letting 625 go when he is finished being nuisance."

Lilo put her hands on her hips. "What about Bonnie?"

Jumba sighed. "350 is beyond rehabilitation. Is for good of everyone that she is put away safely."

"I agree," said Cobra, appearing out of nowhere. Dib had thought Gaz was the only person with that talent (GIR did that too sometimes, but the robot hardly counted as a person).

"What? How can you say that?" asked Lilo. "Just send them back to prison. They won't escape!"

Cobra shook his head. "They'll get a two to fifteen year sentence and then they'll be let out to assault someone again," he said with a note of cynicism. "I'm afraid Jumba's right."

Lilo started to protest, but Gaz interrupted her.

"Can you get us out of the woods first and then argue?" she asked irritably.

Cobra took off his shades and fixed her with a scrutinizing stare. Gaz glared back defiantly.

"Yes," he said, "we should return to your home. I need to have a word with you."

Gaz's bad eye twitched, but she said nothing.

_3:50 pm_

On the way back to the Pelekais' yard, Dib whispered in Lilo's ear, "Why don't you just let Jumba dehydrate them? You can just take them and re-hydrate them. They won't be any worse for wear, right?"

Lilo lowered her head with a sigh. "You're right," she whispered back. "I guess I just don't want to admit I failed. I tried so hard to change them."

"I fail all the time," said Dib with a shrug. "You just have to pick yourself up and keep going."

"You're right." She gave him a small smile. "I'll never give up on ohana. Only, Nani won't like me sneaking behind her back. But I'll worry about that later."

"Hey," Reuben spoke up from the net on Jumba's shoulder. "I'm done being a nuisance. Can you let me out now?"

"No," said Jumba.

_3:55 pm_

Gaz let out a rare sigh of relief as she stepped out from under the trees and into the welcoming tropical sunlight. "Finally. I never want to see a stupid plant or tree again." She started walking toward her house when the big guy in the suit stepped in her path.

"Before you return home, I need to have a word with you."

Gaz set her jaw. "What about?"

"About the stolen property I watched you accept from experiment 349."

Her eyes flew open. Everyone stared at her.

"You did _what_?" blurted Dib.

The girl glanced from her brother to the big guy.

"Just who do you think you are!" she demanded.

The man pulled out a badge. "Cobra Bubbles, CIA."

"Cobra _Bubbles_? Wait, CIA?" She'd watched enough crime shows to know what to say next.

"I'm not saying anything else until I call a lawyer."

"If you return the item, the jewelry store might not press charges," said Agent Bubbles. "But there is still the matter of you cutting off the perps' tracking anklets."

Gaz actually jerked back. "How did - I want a lawyer!"

Agent Bubbles grabbed her wrists and snapped handcuffs over them. "You can call an attorney from the CIA office."

She tried to worm out of the cuffs. "You can't do this to me! I'm an injured little girl!"

At Bubbles' stony look, Gaz changed tactics. "The..._item_ is in my left pocket. Now will you let me go?"

The CIA agent slipped two fingers into her pocket and pulled out the watch.

Lilo's pet alien let out a low, impressed "Oooooo."

"Very well," said Bubbles, unlocking the handcuffs. "But I'll have to call your father."

Gaz smirked. Her father would always believe her. "Go ahead."

_Four o'clock in the afternoon_

Jumba carried Bonnie and Reuben into his old spaceship, which smelled like a dentist's office overgrown with lilacs. Pleakley was persistent about aroma therapy. Ironically, Lilo suspected that his sense of smell was either nonexistent or severely out of whack with the human race.

Stitch brought Clyde in, and Lilo and Dib followed.

"Bonnie," Reuben spoke softly, "I failed you. I'm sorry."

Bonnie sighed. "Ya did ya best...and it went pretty much the way I expected."

Reuben hung his head.

"Hey," said Bonnie, "maybe someday me and Clyde'll get rehydrated again." She looked at Clyde. "It ain't ova."

"Sure, is not over." Jumba swept some papers to one side of a table and set Bonnie and Reuben on the cleared space. "349 and 350 will be taking short naptime and will be waking up soon."

"What?" squeaked Pleakley, who had followed him into his lab. "You're not really going to wake them back up, are you?"

Jumba rolled all four of his eyes. "You figure it out."

He waddled over to a control panel on the wall and pressed several keys. Servos whirred, and a clear cylinder rose out of the floor. It looked like the experiment capsules, but it had a large lamp fixed to the top.

Dib leaned forward with an eager smile. He pulled out his notebook and began to write.

"I'm taking notes," he explained, at Lilo's questioning look.

Jumba stared at him.

"What?" asked Dib. "At least I'm not getting out my camera. Believe me, it's _very_ tempting."

Jumba shrugged and turned to a cabinet set in the wall, withdrawing a vial and two syringes.

Pleakley put his clammy hand on Lilo's shoulder. "There, there, Lilo, I know it's upsetting to have to put your pets to sleep, but they're going to a better place."

Lilo shook her head. "Jumba's not going to kill his own experiments." She shot Jumba a glare. "Are you, Jumba?"

"No, Lilo," said Jumba, glowering at Pleakley. "Is anesthetic." He tore the cap off one of the syringes and stuck the needle in the vial. "Dehydration does not hurt, but it is painful."

"That makes no sense," Dib pointed out.

"He means it doesn't hurt them in the long run," explained Lilo.

Jumba motioned to Stitch, who stood near the door, gripping Clyde's capsule. "Snitch, bring him here."

The blue alien hesitated, meeting Lilo's eyes.

She nodded. "It's okay Stitch."

Stitch's claws clicked across the metal floor toward Jumba. Clyde gazed up at his creator with shiny button eyes.

Jumba grimaced. "Do not give me that look. You brought this on yourself."

Stitch gazed at Lilo, and back at Clyde. "Is okay," he murmured. "Stitch and Lilo will not leave." He placed his paw on the surface of the container, and Clyde put his paw to Stitch's through the glass.

Their creator whispered out of the corner of his mouth to Stitch, but Lilo couldn't make it out. Stitch clearly understood, though. Jumba opened the capsule, grabbed Clyde's normal arm and pulled him out. Clyde swung his robotic arm at Jumba, and Stitch jumped on the cyborg, pinning his metal arm to his side with all four of his arms. Jumba parted the fur on Clyde's arm to find a vein and jabbed the needle into it.

Clyde struggled for several seconds before going limp, his eyelids falling. Jumba laid him on the table beside Bonnie.

"All right, 350, you are next."

_Half past five in the afternoon_

"I'm home!" announced Nani. The house was dark and still. She knew that Jumba had to work until 9:00 (a twelve hour shift, and Membrane had wanted him to work longer than that). Pleakley was probably in his ship pretending to run a business. Well, that was unfair. He _did_ have guests booked this week. He just didn't have enough yet to make up the cost of fixing up the ship. Still, Nani couldn't blame him for trying.

She hung her bag on a wall hook before grabbing the remote and plopping on the couch. Lilo and Stitch were likely running around town with Dib, and possibly Gaz and Mertle.

Pleakley had told Nani that Membrane had "locked them out of their house, went off to work, and left them to fend for themselves." Did Membrane expect her and Pleakley to babysit his kids? Did he even think about them at all? She already felt like the caretaker of the whole stinking island, most days, even though she was often out of the loop (most likely because her ohana feared her reaction to their mistakes, and justly so). Nani didn't need the added responsibility of looking after two mainlander kids.

She sighed. And yet, she would do it without objection, because that was what she did with people higher up on the ladder. She would paste on a smile and do whatever she could to impress, even though Membrane was Jumba's boss and not hers.

And, she reflected, even if Membrane weren't anyone's boss, they were her neighbors, and it was only neighborly to help when needed.

_9:30 pm_

_Membrane house_

"I know he wants to help, I just think he'd get in the way. Besides, even two people is more than enough."

"But he feels bad about being...well, kinda useless earlier."

"All right, tell him he can be an extra lookout or something."

Dib and Lilo had been on the phone for an hour in a half, working out the details of their plan. It was nice to sit and talk with someone, and Gaz wasn't even there to yell at him for talking.

"He's good with electronics like Stitch is. I could let him override the code for the door."

The front door opened, and Dib glanced up, expecting Gaz, but it was his father.

"Hello son! Did you have fun with your new friends?"

"Yeah Dad," said Dib.

"Oh, your dad's there?" asked Lilo. "Should I get off?"

"No, it's fine. He's not listening."

Membrane tilted his head. "Not listening to what?"

"Alien talk," Dib said bluntly.

Membrane straightened. "Ah. Carry on." He patted Dib's head. "I'll be downstairs in my lab."

"So, about this friend of yours in Michigan," said Lilo. "No offense, but I'm not sure I trust a guy who calls himself 'Darkbooty.'"

"Half the agents have names like that," said Dib. "He's a good guy. We had a falling out after the waffle incident, but he'll get the pods wet if I ask him to."

"And he'll keep quiet about them?"

"I make no promises about that. Not even the cops can keep those two quiet. But people in my old town are morons. They'll probably think they're mutant gophers or something."

Dib glanced up again as his dad thumped back up the stairs.

"Son! Did you use my laser without permission?"

"No." Dib frowned. "Gaz did, though."

"What?" asked Lilo.

"Sorry, my dad asked me a question." Dib scratched his head, not used to carrying two conversations at once.

"Really?" Membrane looked around. "Where is your sister, anyway?"

"At the CIA office," said Dib.

"Oh yeah, are they still keeping Gaz there?" asked Lilo.

Membrane wagged his finger. "Now, son! This is no time for your _insane _games!"

"It's not an insane game! I'm telling the truth!"

Membrane clenched his fists, then relaxed them with a sigh. "Never mind, son, I'll find her myself." He stalked upstairs, presumably to check Gaz's room.

After a moment, Lilo said, "Dib? You there?"

"Yeah."

"Your dad didn't believe you about Gaz?"

"No. I guess Cobra didn't try very hard to contact him."

"Maybe..." Lilo hesitated. "Maybe Gaz getting what she deserves for all the times she could have backed you up."

Dib's silence spoke volumes.

A/N: Originally this fanfiction was supposed to be short(ish) filler for Alohilani's Both Syllables series. But she removed the series from cyberspace, and this story took on a life of its own and grew difficult to manage. ^^; That being said, I do have an end in sight. I just need to figure out how to get there.


	10. A Night of Mystery

_You have no idea what powers you are dealing with!  
_-Zim

_Pelekai Household_

Lilo and Stitch went to their bedroom at 11:00, but they didn't go to sleep. Instead, Lilo picked out the only black clothing she owned that still fit: a long-sleeved tee and capris. After changing and looking in the mirror, she could start to understand why Dib and Gaz wore so much black. She felt like a ninja.

Then Lilo dug out a child's sweat suit and held it against her shirt to check that it was truly black and not dark blue. When she turned around to show Stitch, he wrapped an inky scarf around his head so that only his eyes were showing, and his ears stuck out.

"That's perfect! Do we have another scarf like that?"

_Bang bang bang!_

The noise reverberated through the small metal lift in the center of the room.

"Lilo! Stop talking! Go to sleep!"

The girl and alien froze. Then Stitch crept over to the lift and pricked his ears.

"She is gone," he said, after a few seconds.

"Help me look for another scarf," said Lilo in a quieter voice.

_1:00 am_

Lilo and Stitch descended on the lift to find the house dark at last. Covered from head to toe in black, they sneaked up the stairs, avoiding the boards that creaked, and flitted to Jumba and Pleakley's room, where Stitch climbed Pleakley's dresser, snatched the key and dropped back down, his claws tapping on the hardwood floor. They skulked downstairs and out onto the porch. Dib and Reuben ran out from under the wooden structure.

"What kept ya?" asked Reuben.

The girl peered at her watch, struggling to make out the hands in the faint light from a distant street lamp. "We're right on time. How long have you been waiting out here?"

"Twenty minutes," said Reuben.

Lilo's eyebrows shot up under her scarf.

"I just got here five minutes ago," said Dib with a shrug.

The girl ran down the steps, jumping the last five and landing in a crouch on the packed dirt. Stitch curled into a ball and rolled down after her. Then the four of them darted across the dewy grass to the spaceship door.

Reuben wore a coal-black t-shirt that was far too large, reaching almost to the ground. The sole change Dib had made to his outfit was that he had replaced his trenchcoat with a black jacket that zipped up. The kid was going to give himself heat exhaustion, because the temperature had dropped but 15 degrees since the sun had set. Sooner or later, he would have to learn not to wrap himself like an ear of corn on a grill - and, with any luck, he wouldn't learn the hard way.

"Do you have the key?" he asked.

"Ih." Stitch nodded and held up the key - not much different from an Earth car key except that it glowed like a nightlight - and slid it into the lock.

Although the spacecraft itself had low security, Jumba had installed his own lock and alarm to his lab inside.

Stitch entered first, his motion triggering the lights to flicker on. He ran over to the manual switch behind Pleakley's desk and turned off the lights. Someone might wake up and see them at any moment.

"Come in now," said Stitch.

The kids and Reuben stepped inside the dry, cool sterility of the lobby, and scurried down one of the two halls in the ship. At the end of the hall was a door that required a password and iris scan to open.

Reuben cracked his knuckles. "Shine your flashlight here, Lilo. I'll need ta see the colors of the wires." Although Reuben had excellent night vision, his spectrum was limited to gray. Lilo pointed the beam on the security panel, while Reuben popped off the cover with his claws. Then, with deliberation, he pulled out the ends of several wires and reinserted them in different points on the grid. The metal door irised open.

"All right!" Reuben pumped his furry fist. "I finally did something!"

Lilo put her hand on his shoulder. "Good work, Reuben."

The four of them slipped inside the lab. Stitch pressed several buttons on one of the many consoles that lined the walls, and a nearby cabinet opened to show the experiment pod container. Dib pressed the keypad on the base, and the top half of the round receptacle separated from bottom, lifted by a rod. The two dehydrated experiments orbited the rod at a snail's pace, bathed in green light. Bolts of electricity arched between the two halves. It was a stunning display for a storage container.

"Select experiment," said the computerized voice.

Dib intuitively typed three numbers on the pad, and 349 shot out of the electric field, hitting him on the forehead.

"Ow." Dib rubbed his forehead and stooped to retrieve the orb, which had rolled under the lab's single chair.

"You okay?" asked Lilo.

"Yeah, thanks for asking," he said, examining the sphere and weighing it in his palm. "It's actually lighter than I thought it would be."

Reuben shook his head. "They lost a lotta water weight," he said ruefully.

"They should still weigh more than golf balls," said Dib. "And shouldn't one be bigger than the other?" He keyed in 350, and this time caught the pod in his right hand. He held the two together for comparison. "They're exactly the same size."

Reuben shrugged. "You'll hafta ask Jumba about that."

"Shh!" Stitch hissed, swiveling his ears.

Everyone else froze.

"What is it?" whispered Lilo.

"Someone is on the roof."

They all glanced up as if it would somehow help them hear the mysterious noise. Reuben titled his head to catch the sound better, since he couldn't move his ears independently. Lilo strained her ears and heard nothing at first, then a distinct scrape against the metal hull.

"One of the experiments?" whispered Lilo.

"Naga," said Stitch.

"Not unless Clink had a baby," added Reuben.

"What's Clink?" asked Dib. "And would it be bad if it had a baby?" He imagined some alien terror melting the ship or _something._

"A big crablike experiment," said Lilo. "But that's not important right now."

"So what do we do?" asked Reuben.

Stitch shushed them again to listen to the scraping and then, tapping. "It's moving - to the door!"

The kids and aliens shared a panicked look.

"Quick! Shut the container!" hissed Dib.

Lilo took aim and tossed her fake experiment pods (which were just ping-pong balls with numbers written on them) into the green energy, and then she shut the receptacle. Dib crouched behind the metal chair.

"What are you doing?" asked Lilo.

"Hiding. What does it look like?"

Grabbing his arm, Lilo and yanked him upright. "There's an emergency exit, remember?"

"Oh, yeah." Dib had been hoping to spend the night in an alien laboratory, or at least stay long enough to observe the mysterious monster. But having no real excuse to stay, he followed the others out of the lab.

Reuben paused to fiddle with the wires in the security panel, shutting the lab door and replacing the panel cover. Then they darted into a narrow side corridor that ended in a door leading outside. The tapping noise increased until Dib was certain it was inside the spacecraft. There was something very familiar about the noise, and hiding in the narrow hallway…

Lilo opened the emergency exit. "Here is where we split up."

Dib stole a backward glance, the beam of his flashlight wandering toward the main hall until Lilo grabbed his hand.

"Flashlights off! It'll see us!"

The boy switched off his flashlight, but he still peered into the gloom, listening to the tapping and itching to find out its source.

"I ain't waitin' around here any longer," said Reuben. "See ya tomorrow."

Lilo nodded, shooing Dib out and shutting the door behind them. The four ninja thieves returned to their dwellings, keeping to the shadows.

_3:30 am_

Snug in his bed, Stitch woke for no apparent reason. He pricked his ears, wondering if he had heard something in his sleep. Maybe it was the unidentified creature from before.

Then he heard Lilo's blanket rustle, and her intermittent breathing.

"Lilo awake?"

"Yeah," she murmured, rolling onto her stomach. "I can't sleep."

"Oh, soka."

"Not your fault. It's just…that thing on the ship…I keep thinking that we shouldn't have run. We should have confronted it and seen what it was." She sighed. "Only, I know our cover would've been blown."

Stitch reassured her in whatever way he could. "Lilo did good. Freed cousins."

He saw her smile in the dim green light from the alarm clock.

"You're right Stitch. I should stop worrying."

Stitch stretched and slid out of his bed. "Stitch will get warm milk."  
"Thanks."

_7:30 am_

"It's _gone_!" yelled Pleakley, flopping into the kitchen.

Lilo's eyes widened over her bowl of Count Cocofang (her new favorite cereal). She fought to keep her expression neutral.

"What's gone?" she asked.

"The Bed-but-not-breakfast!" He clutched his head in his spindly hands. "The whole thing's just gone!"

"Gaba?" exclaimed Stitch.

"Are you sure?" asked Lilo.

Pleakley folded his arms. "No, I'm playing an April Fool's prank."

Lilo blinked. "When did you learn sarcasm?"

"Last week."

"Really?"

"No, that was sarcasm too. I actually picked it up two months ago. Anyway, I have to go tell Jumba that our _ship is gone_!" He ran out of the kitchen, and Lilo and Stitch stood and headed in the other direction, toward the front windows.

Even with Pleakley's warning, Lilo's mouth fell open at the sight of the bare stretch of earth where the big red spacecraft had been sitting for past six or seven years. The awning, bushes and flowers were smashed. It was as if a tropical storm had blown through just their front yard.

"_Whaaat_?" bellowed Jumba, thumping down the stairs. "How could this happen?" He joined Lilo and Stitch at the window. "I don't believe this! The only ones who would do such a thing are dehydrated!"

Lilo bit her lip and looked at Stitch. The blue experiment was resolute.

"Stitch will find ship."

* * *

A/N: I'm evil for ending the chapter there. But you know what would be even more evil? Making you wait another four months to find out what happens. I'll very much try not to do that.

And while you are waiting for the next chapter, check out "Revenge of the Invader" by Doodlebug QT. You can find it in the IZ/L&S crossover section. It's a spin-off of this story (which is itself a spin-off of a dead series. It's enough to make your head spin). I haven't finished reading it yet, but so far it's cute and has some fun moments between Dib and Lilo, and Dib and Keoni. Go check it out.


	11. The New Search

Apologetic A/N: Yeah, I know it's been much longer than four months since I posted the last chapter. I had a major case of writer's block, and I allowed other stories and plot bunnies to distract me, but these are poor excuses for making you wait two years! I had a basic idea of what I wanted to happen next, but I had trouble getting it out in just the right way. I've actually had everything here typed since August (2012). I wanted to make the chapter longer, but last night as I was looking it over and trying to figure out what to write next, I just said, screw it, my readers have waited long enough.

BIG thank you to all of my readers and reviewers, to those of you who have been following this fanfic from the beginning, and those of you latecomers who were curious enough to give this seemingly dead fic a chance.

* * *

_You're looking good just like a snake in the grass.  
One of these days you're gonna break your glass._  
-ELO, "Don't Bring Me Down"

**2/26/03**  
_7:40 am  
Pelekai House_

"You _have_ to go to school, Lilo."

"But the ship-"

"The adults will handle it," Nani said firmly.

"And Stitch."

Lilo met Stitch's dark eyes. They both knew that the creature they had heard that night probably had something to do with the ship's disappearance. But if they told any of the others what they'd heard, they'd have to explain why they were in the grounded vessel.

Nani nodded to Stitch, oblivious to his dilemma. "And Stitch, and any cousin that wants to help." Nani shoved Lilo's backpack into her arms and shooed her out the door. "Have fun at school. Learn a lot."

"Fine," grumbled Lilo, seeing she had no choice. "Good luck you guys," she added, before Nani closed the door. Sighing, Lilo descended the porch stairs and crossed the empty lawn. She inspected the barren patch for a few minutes, searching for clues. She was hoping to find a footprint or hair or anything else the thief might have left. She saw nothing, so she went over to Dib's house to see if he could give her any ideas.

She rang his doorbell, and he answered promptly. In spite of her stress, Lilo noticed that Dib was wearing the shorts she'd helped him pick out the previous day. At least she no longer had to worry that her new friend would get heat stroke.

"Hi Lilo. What's wrong?"

Either Dib was very perceptive, or Lilo's face was easy to read.

"I already sent Bonnie and Clyde to Detroit, if that's what you're worried about," added Dib. "I used express shipping, so they should get there in two days."

"Oh." Lilo blinked. "Mahalo, Dib. But that's not the problem. Jumba and Pleakley's ship was stolen," she explained.

Dib's eyes widened. "Oh man, I know who did it!"

"That was fast," said Lilo, raising her eyebrows. "Who do you think it is?"

A dark look crossed Dib's sunburned face as he gazed at the sky.

"Zim."

Lilo furrowed her brow. "But you said he left Earth."

"I thought he did, but maybe that's what he _wanted_ me to think."

"How can you be so sure it was him?" asked Lilo.

"I knew that metal tapping was familiar last night, but I didn't make the connection until just now. It sounded just like Zim's PAK legs."

"But what would he want with Jumba's ship?"

"I'll bet he wants to use Jumba's inventions to conquer Earth."

Lilo shook her head. "I don't think there's anything in the ship that could do that."

"Maybe so, but Zim doesn't know that."

"So do you think he's still on Earth?"

"Definitely." Dib nodded.

Lilo still wasn't quite convinced, but she didn't have anything else to go on. "Where should we start looking?"

"I don't know." Dib's gaze slid into the distance as he thought. "I don't think he'd stick around here. Too much water."

"All right, it's a start." She craned her neck to look past Dib into the house. "Can I use your phone to call Reuben and update him on everything? Then we can go to school. We'll be late, but this is more important."

Dib groaned softly. "I forgot about school. I guess I'll have to go. Gaz will miss it, though."

"She's still with Cobra?" asked Lilo, lifting her eyebrows.

Dib nodded. "Dad was supposed to get her, but I haven't seen him since last night."

_7:56 am  
Pelekai House_

Jumba left a voice mail with Professor Membrane to explain that he would be late for work, but he omitted the reason.

He had no idea who had stolen his ship, or where the thief could have gone. He made a mental list of everyone who knew that his ship was more than a Bed-but-not-breakfast. Most of his creations wouldn't have been inclined to take it out for a joyride, even if they had been switched back to evil.

The little neighbor girl seemed like she would have motivation to steal the vessel, but she might not have the knowledge or ability to pilot it. And she was supposed to stay at the CIA office until her father came for her in person, although it was possible that she had escaped (another less likely possibility was that Membrane had gotten her already).

Jumba called Agent Bubbles' mobile phone, but he only reached the voice mailbox that told how Cobra's engagements and whereabouts were classified.

"Oh for – What do you mean it's out of your jurisdiction?" Pleakley walked into the living room where Jumba stood. The Plorgonarian held his mobile in front of him, staring anxiously at the screen.

"I mean that it would be a waste of Earth's limited resources to search for a small spacecraft that could be anywhere in the galaxy," Cobra issued from the phone.

Jumba perked up, moving toward Pleakley. "Agent Bubbles, I need to ask you something."

"What is it, Dr. Jookiba?"

"Do you still have little neighbor girl – I mean, Gaz – in custody?"

"Gazlene is being detained in the office," confirmed Cobra. "I do not think she had anything to do with your ship's disappearance," he added, anticipating Jumba's question.

Nani walked up behind Jumba and Pleakley, glancing curiously at the phone. "Gaz spent the night in a jail cell?" she asked.

"She's been confined to a room with a bed since seventeen hundred hours last night."

Nani frowned. "You can't keep her there without a trial."

"For her own safety and the safety the public, we must detain her until her parent takes her back into custody, or until her hearing," Cobra answered calmly.

Nani took a deep breath. "Fine, it's not my problem. I'm just sorry their family is so dysfunctional."

_8:15 am  
Kokaua Town_

Stitch leaped from rooftop to rooftop, trying to get through the town without being seen. He had to warn the cousins that the anti-detection device was gone. He grunted in frustration. Why did no one else think of this?

A child screamed. Stitch cringed and peaked over the edge of the roof to see which experiment had scared the kid. There were no experiments in sight, however, and the child grinned and shrieked as another child chased her down the sidewalk. There was nothing unusual about this, since Kokaua was the kind of small town where parents still let their kids roam the neighborhoods unsupervised.

Stitch continued crawling across the rooftops until he landed on top of French Fry's stand. The scents of sausage and bacon filled Stitch's nostrils as he listened to his cousin's absentminded singing.

"Psst. Cousin," hissed Stitch.

French Fry's hearing wasn't as acute as Stitch's, and he continued to sing over his sizzling meat.

"French Fry," said Stitch in a louder voice.

At that moment, the fat man who always dropped his ice cream (Stitch had never learned his name) walked up to the stand. "Good morning, French Fry," said the man with a polite nod. "I'll have the usual, please."

Stitch tilted his head. Either the fat man was blind, or the anti-detection device was still near enough to work on Kauai.

"Oui, monsieur," replied French Fry.

Stitch wanted to see how the man would react to him, so he jumped off the roof. The man simply raised his eyebrows.

"Hi Stitch, where'd you come from?" He bent down to pat Stitch's head, apparently not expecting an answer.

Stitch nudged his hand before running across the street toward Clip's hair salon.

The woman who owned the salon blinked and smiled at him when he ran inside.

"Aloha Stitch! Clip is in the back if you want to visit."

Stitch nodded his thanks and dashed through the salon to the back room. He barely acknowledged Clip with a wave. Clip was cute, but she had the personality of, well, a bag of hair. She waved back and didn't question him when he picked up the break room phone.

He called Reuben's mobile phone, and his cousin picked up in a few seconds.

"Yello?"

Without preamble, Stitch quickly told Reuben about the stolen spaceship.

"Still in Hawai'i?" asked Reuben. "That explains a few things. I got news for you too, cousin. That Dib kid says he knows who stole it."

Stitch's ears perked up. "Who?"

"An Irken named Zim."

Stitch frowned, thinking for a moment. Dib had said that Zim left Earth, but maybe that's just what Zim wanted Dib to think, when all the while he was spying on the boy. Zim might try to use Jumba's experiments against Dib and all the other humans. But Stitch was confident that two genetically enhanced beings such as Reuben and himself were more than a match for the Irken, if a normal human child could hold his own against him.

_Nine in the morning_

Stitch and Reuben went back into the dense forest where traces of sea breeze mingled with the scents of flowers. The flesh-eating vines were merely annoying as they kept trying and failing to bite the experiments' tough hide.

They trekked up one of the many volcanic hills on the island, searching for a clue to narrow down their search.

"It'll take ages for the two of us to search the entire island," said Reuben, slumping against a tree.

"Ih," Stitch agreed. "Need help."

Reuben swatted a vine. "I don't suppose we could ask some of the cousins."

A high pitched giggle interrupted their conversation. Stitch swiveled his ears to pinpoint the source of the sound. It was about fifty feet away, on the other side of the hill.

"Who's there?" called Stitch.

"Nobody here but us trees," squealed a computerized voice.

"Right," said Reuben, with a dubious frown.

Reuben and Stitch climbed the hill toward the speaker. When they reached the top, they looked down the far side through the trees. A large plush toy rested on the ground. The two cousins walked down for a closer view.

The plushie vaguely resembled a tree in that it had a thinner brown section with a branch on each side, and a larger, blobby green section.

Stitch picked it up to examine it.

"Woooo!" it cheered.

Reuben circled Stitch, staring curiously at the toy.

"Hey, it has a robot face," observed Reuben.

Stitch turned the toy around. Sure enough, a metal face was embedded in the brown fabric. It had big round cyan lights for eyes. Its mouth curved upward in a toothless grin.

"Hi! I wanna sammich!" it squealed.

Reuben blinked. "What's a robot need a sandwich for?"

"For eating," said the robot in a no-duh tone.

Stitch squeezed the plush to feel how much of it was metal. The trunk had a hard coconut-sized core with two protrusions that might have been legs.

"Awww, I love you too," it cooed, wrapping its plush-covered arms around Stitch. It felt like the arms were made of metal cords beneath the fabric.

Reuben ignored this comment in favor of the previous one. "Robots don't need food. If they need some kind of fuel, they use lithium or somethin' similar."

"I don't need food, I _want_ it! It's dee-lishus!"

Reuben shook his head in frustration. "We're wasting time. We hafta keep lookin' for Jumba's ship."

"I seen a ship," said the robot.

Reuben raised his eyebrow. "A _space_ ship?"

"Mm-hm." The robot nodded. "My master found a new one last night."

Suddenly it all clicked, and Stitch wondered why he hadn't figured it out sooner.

"Where is the ship?" asked Stitch.


End file.
